Things I know: Rule #4: Do the Right Thing

Things I know: Rule #4: Do the Right Thing: I once heard a quote that said "Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking". That's so true, isn't it?  We ...

Rule #4: Do the Right Thing

I once heard a quote that said "Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking". That's so true, isn't it?  We always know what the right thing is, don't we?  There's a little voice...conscience... something telling us what's right and what's wrong.  In order to live a happy life, we have to be happy with the person we are, and that means being a person of integrity.  Being able to look ourselves in the mirror and like what we see...with the full understanding that what's right for us may not be what's right for someone else...but with the acceptance of both.  

Over this past year, this rule has expanded for me.  I have come to recognize a difference between conscience and intuition.  So this rule now has two parts.  The first part is doing the right thing as a moral decision as I've just discussed, in which case you would be listening to your conscience.  The second part, as I've come to see it is more of a personal "right" thing, in which case you would be listening to your intuition.  Over the past year, I have been focusing on hearing that little voice that I have been ignoring for so long...my intuition.  This has been revolutionary for me!  As with your conscience, the more you focus on hearing your intuition, the stronger it becomes.  Developing your intuition is fun!  This holiday season alone I have avoided traffic jams, found just the right store to get just the right gift, found money on the ground, ran into the right person who gave me the perfect idea, arrived just before crowds and more great parking spaces to list here.

There is no secret weapon to developing either your conscience or intuition, except practice.  Think of them like muscles...the more you use them, the stronger they become.  There is no down side to this...follow your inner voices and always do the right thing!  You'll thank me later...

Things I know: Rule #3: Don't Hold a Grudge

Things I know: Rule #3: Don't Hold a Grudge: I suppose this rule can also be called Forgive...because that's what holding a grudge is all about, isn't it?  Until we forgive, we ...

Rule #3: Don't Hold a Grudge

I suppose this rule can also be called Forgive...because that's what holding a grudge is all about, isn't it?  Until we forgive, we can't move on.  We become stuck in the same place forever.  As with all these rules, forgiveness...not holding a grudge...is really a selfish act.  It's about allowing ourself the freedom to move forward.  Holding on to the infraction does much more harm to ourself than to the other person.  So why is it so hard?  I think it's because forgiveness is often mistaken for condoning. Forgiveness doesn't mean the infraction is okay, it means the infraction is over.  Learning to forgive is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself.  It's liberating, freeing, empowering. 

Often, the grudge takes on a life of its own.  Have you ever had the experience, or known someone who lost years to a grudge over a minor infraction?  Lives can be changed by forgiveness!  Especially yours!  The earlier you forgive, the easier it is, but it's never too late.  It's not even important for the other party to accept your forgiveness...it's only important for you to let go.  Imagine how much happier your life will be when you forgive and let go of the grudges that hold you back!  Forgive early and often...you owe it to yourself.  Live happy!

Things I know: Rule #2: Always Be Kind

Things I know: Rule #2: Always Be Kind: It seems silly to even make this a rule...of course we should always be kind...but remember, I wrote these rules for myself...to guide mysel...

Rule #2: Always Be Kind

It seems silly to even make this a rule...of course we should always be kind...but remember, I wrote these rules for myself...to guide myself on how I should live my life.  Being kind is of the utmost importance to me.  Being kind means making a difference in the lives of others, it means being a caring  person, it means feeling good about myself.  Kindness makes every situation just a little bit better.

Think of a time when you had a kindness bestowed on you...the other day, I was at the supermarket and a man was dressed like Santa walking around the store handing out $10 gift certificates to the store.  I figured it was a promotion of some sort, until he made his way to me.  He explained that he was commitimg random acts of kindness in the name of a fallen fellow police officer and would I be so kind as to "pay it forward". This touched my heart...what better way to honor a friend?  In every interaction we have with others, every single day, we have the opportunity to be kind or unkind.  Imagine if every time we interacted with others, that person would "pay it forward"...if we snap at someone, that person snaps at another...if we smile at someone, that person smiles at another...if we treat someone with kindness, that person is kind to another...get the picture?  It's like a drop of water in a still pond...the ripples are endless.  What ripples do you want to create?

I choose to live life kindly...I've been told that people will walk all over me because I'm too nice, I've been told that I won't get far in life by being Mr. Nice Guy... Well I contend the exact opposite, and I encourage you to see for yourself.  In fact, I believe it is kindness behind much of my success, certainly my success with my interactions with people.  I have found that people WANT to help me...they WANT me to succeed and all because I am kind to them.  Which leads me to my last point, being kind is ultimately a selfish act...it feels really good, people are kind back, people will help you and your world becomes a brighter place...frankly, it's addicting...and a habit I gladly succumb to!

Things I know: Rule #1: I Am Responsible

Things I know: Rule #1: I Am Responsible: For those of you new to this blog, some 30 years ago, I wrote down 25 rules that I live my life by.  Last year, I started writing down my th...

Rule #1: I Am Responsible

For those of you new to this blog, some 30 years ago, I wrote down 25 rules that I live my life by.  Last year, I started writing down my thoughts and views of these rules which became this Blog.  Today, I return to the rules...

Have you ever had the experience of starting out your day on the wrong foot and before you knew it, nearly everything that happened to you seemed to be conspiring against you?  Maybe you wake up in a bad mood and your family members are more than happy to add fuel to your fire...then the fellow drivers on the road to work contribute by cutting you off and driving recklessly...your co-workers are thoughtless, your boss is unreasonable, customers complain...most of us would say we had a bad day.  Now let's pretend for a moment that you wake up and find yourself thinking thoughts that will lead you to a bad mood, but you catch yourself.  You recognize that nothing good can come from this pattern of thought and because there is not much momentum behind them, you find something more pleasant to think about.  You choose the pleasant thoughts and let the momentum build.  The truth is, people will respond to the "vibes" you are projecting, so the behavior of your family, co-workers, boss will be softened, but even if all of their behaviors are exactly the same as on your "bad day"...how will your mood effect the outcome?  How will your mood change how these behaviors impact your day?  I contend that your attitude is far more impactful on your experience than the events and behaviors you encounter.  I am responsible for my attitude... I am responsible for my response to everything that happens to me.. and I am responsible for the course my day will take...period.  Controlling your attitude comes down to one thing...controlling your thoughts!

Now, I know that some of you are thinking that controlling your thoughts is easier said than done, and I agree.  The truth is, it's all about momentum.  Awareness is the first step to controlling your thoughts because our mind is going all the time...those thoughts you are thinking can build momentum before you even realize you are thinking them.  The key to awareness is how you feel.  Did you ever have the experience of suddenly feeling a sense of foreboding or fear or sadness and before you knew it you were filled with worry or melancholy?  Our mind has a built in warning system that our thoughts have wandered into dangerous territory and those feelings are the alarm.  Now, you won't be able to control every minute of every day, but how much more enjoyable will your life be if you learn to control even a portion of your thoughts?  Start each day, before you even get out of bed, thinking thoughts that make you feel good.  You won't be able to control the people and events that you encounter, but you will be in a better place to receive them!  

There is one other thing I would like to say.  Often, momentum has taken over before we realize it and we are stuck in a snowballing pattern of thought that we just can't get out of...what to do?  It is nearly impossible to change our thought pattern in these situations.  I have found that for me, the only thing I can do is to totally change direction.  I abandon the topic of my thoughts by replacing it...laughter works for me.  I have a smart phone and I have several apps that I use to immediately stop my snowballing thoughts. I like DamnYouAutocorrect  and The Ellen Show apps.  I call this Momentum Management. Some times take longer than others, but these apps will eventually make me laugh out loud.  Once I am back on neutral ground and the momentum of my negative thinking has been interrupted, I can take back control.  Laughter works for me, but you need to find what works for you. Take responsibility for controlling your thoughts and therefore your attitude and therefore your life...take responsibility and you take back your power!

Things I know: An update...

Things I know: An update...: I know I haven't blogged in a while and that's because I have been working on putting the original "Rules" in book form an...

An update...

I know I haven't blogged in a while and that's because I have been working on putting the original "Rules" in book form and I have come to the realization that although the Rules don't change...I have. I am in a different place than when I first blogged about the rules a year ago.  So I've come to a decision...I am going to blog the rules again.  My view, interpretation, description and explanation has evolved and so, I believe that even those of you who are with me since the beginning will not be disappointed... So keep an eye out, starting tomorrow I'll be back to the rules, with a fresh perspective and new outlook.  I'm so excited...I hope you enjoy it.

Things I know: I'm full of emotion...

Things I know: I'm full of emotion...: I have a question for you...what creates your emotions?  Is it the events of your life, or is it your thoughts about the events of your life...

I'm full of emotion...

I have a question for you...what creates your emotions?  Is it the events of your life, or is it your thoughts about the events of your life?  Now, naturally, I think most people would say it's the events...someone sends you flowers, something makes you laugh, you witness something beautiful...these events would make you feel happy.   But what if you were in a bad mood?  What if you were stressed?  Unhappy?  Depressed?  Would the very same events make you feel the same?   No, of course not. 

I watched a movie once that I found enchanting. Afterwards, just thinking about different scenes could make me smile.  Sometime later, I saw the movie again.  I wanted to watch it because I was feeling down and I thought the movie would make me feel better, but it didn't.  It was the same movie, but I was in a different place.  Think about the times when the very same event in your life brought on two different emotions based on what you were thinking about at the time.    Is a child's fear any less just because there is no actual monster living under the bed?

So it is my contention that it is, in fact, our thoughts about an event that create our emotions, not the actual event.  The event is neutral...it is our reaction to the event that creates turmoil, joy, anxiety, peace.  Why is this helpful?  Because, with practice, we can control our thoughts!  Still unconvinced?  Let's pretend your spouse called to tell you that you had won a million dollars in the lottery.  How would you feel?  Imagine how excited you would feel?  That excitement, that joy would be real...and no different whether you actually won the lottery or when you got home, your spouse said "just kidding".  

The events of your life will happen...keep in control of your thoughts about those events and you can control your stress and anxiety...you can live a happier, more joyful life.

Things I know: Confidence!

Things I know: Confidence!: I talk a lot about happiness and controlling your thoughts.  It occurs to me that I've never really touched on the subject of self confi...

Confidence!

I talk a lot about happiness and controlling your thoughts.  It occurs to me that I've never really touched on the subject of self confidence...but the truth is, without self confidence we are lost.  We have , within us, the power to do anything, accomplish our dreams, realize our desires...our only limitation is our own belief in ourselves. Confidence is tricky.  Too often we allow our self confidence to be determined by those around us...and those around us are all too often willing to comply.  Many people try to raise their own self confidence by lowering the confidence of those around them.  We've all experienced the person who puts us down, criticizes us, mocks us...but it's our reaction to this behavior that determines our destiny.  I've found that the key to maintaining my own confidence in the throughs of criticism is to recognize the root of this type of behavior.  Understand, you will never see a truly confident person trying to lower the self esteem of someone else!  Period.  It is unnecessary. 

Think about a teenager who is mad at their parent.  They may say some hurtful things..."I hate you", "you've ruined my life"...and yet, most of the time, the parent takes these words with a grain of salt, going on about their business unfazed.  Why?  Because the parent knows the words are just that, words, and come from a place of anger, not truth.  Now think about those people who criticize you, belittle you...once you realize their behavior comes from a place of insecurity and not truth, you can go about your business unfazed.  

So enough about those around you...what is your inner voice saying?  Your inner voice may need an adjustment as well.  When that inner voice starts to criticize, you need to be ready.  Start recognizing the positive aspects of you.  Write them down, record them, keep a mental list.  It will be hard at first, but keep at it.  What are you good at?  What are you proud of? What are your best traits?  The next time those inner criticisms start to rear their ugly heads, find something from your "confidence" bag of tricks to counteract the self criticism. Depending on how long you've been listening to your inner criticizer, and how strong it has become, it may take a while to get under control...but I have confidence in you...you can do it, and once you do, the world will open up to you!

Things I know: There's Magic in Believing

Things I know: There's Magic in Believing: I manage a real estate office and coach my agents on a variety of activities to make them successful.  I give them tools, training, informat...

There's Magic in Believing

I manage a real estate office and coach my agents on a variety of activities to make them successful.  I give them tools, training, information.  I give them daily, weekly, monthly goals...I give them support, motivation, skills and knowledge, but the truth is, none of that matters.  I've found that it all starts in their head...the most important component in their success is what they think about themselves and their business.  

It has often amazed me that when there is a prize at stake, no matter how small, people will rise to the competition.  As a matter of fact, more so with a smaller prize.  In the case of my agents (and this has been true with every group I've managed) the lure of the prize is more motivating than the promise of a commission check.  Perhaps because the prize fuels the competitive spirit, represents immediate gratification...but I also think it is because it is a believable achievement.  How many times have you heard people say "I knew that would happen!"?  So what is happening in your head?

 As a young girl I had a picture of a unicorn hanging in my room with the words "There's Magic in believing".  I would read those words every time I felt frustrated or overwhelmed, sad or alone.  I learned to use those words to short circuit the chatter in my mind that was fueling the negative emotions.  There's magic in believing...think about that.  Do you achieve anything you don't believe you can achieve?  Of course not!  

So practice believing...start small.  Believing in yourself is the greatest achievement of your life, from which all other achievements are born.  Skills, training, tools, motivation are all of vital importance...but only if you believe.

Things I know: Change Your Life in 30 Days!

Things I know: Change Your Life in 30 Days!: So I found a trick that helps me get through some of the toughest times, the most frustrating events, even the annoyances that plague my wor...

Change Your Life in 30 Days!

So I found a trick that helps me get through some of the toughest times, the most frustrating events, even the annoyances that plague my world...AND actually makes life more enjoyable!  Its free, readily available, unlimited abundance and its right under our noses....it's been there all along, but once you put it into practice, your life will change!  So what is this miracle?  Every morning, before you start your day, find a reason to laugh.  I recommend before you get out of bed...I'm not kidding!  I know you think I'm being melodramatic, but I swear to you that if you start each day with a hearty laugh, your life WILL change!

That's it...there's nothing more, no hidden secret...laughing...hearty laughter...to me, is more important that meditation.  Laughter puts us in a good mood.  Laughter can short circuit the momentum of worry and negative thinking like nothing else!  Imagine starting every day in a good mood!  How much easier would it be to face life's trials and tribulations when you start your day on a positive note?  Even if your whole day went down hill from there, you would have started out from a much higher vantage point and no matter what, you're doing better than you would have!

Find something that makes you laugh every time you encounter it.  Something so funny that nothing can stop you from laughing.  I'm not talking giggles, although I guess something is better than nothing.  Funny videos or pictures...something that makes you think of a time that made you laugh...books, jokes, anything that will unfailingly make you laugh.  For me, I found an app for my iPad called DYAC (Damn You AutoCorrect).  Reading these text message mistakes never fail to crack me up to the point of tears.  So here's my suggestion...find something that makes you laugh every time, without fail, and for 30 days start every day with laughter.  I recommend first thing in the morning because the thoughts that trouble you have not yet had a chance to build momentum...have not yet had a chance to take hold of you.  Try this for 30 days...watch how quickly your life will change!

Things I know: I Want What I Want...

Things I know: I Want What I Want...: Think about something you want...whatever it is....money, a new car, a new relationship, to lose weight...whatever it is...why is it that yo...

I Want What I Want...

Think about something you want...whatever it is....money, a new car, a new relationship, to lose weight...whatever it is...why is it that you want it?  I know there may be different reasons, but the truth is, at the core of everything that we want...and I mean everything...is the desire to feel better than we do right now.  Do you see what I'm talking about?  If you want more money, it's because you need to pay bills, or you want to travel or quit your job...but the truth is, we only want to pay bills so we can relax and not have to worry about creditors (not worrying feels better than worry, relaxing feels better than stress) and we only want to quit our job so we would have more time to do things that are more fun than work, like travel.  So think about something you want...how would it feel to have it?  Imagine your bills are all paid off and you have all the money you need to do whatever you want...what does that feel like in your imagination?  Now, be careful not to get too specific because that can make you feel worse, but if you can make yourself feel just a little bit better, your rewards will be great.  I know how naive that sounds, but I know this to be true.  Look at it this way...your financial situation is what it is...your love life, health, body weight...are what they are.  You can pine over the things you don't have (feels bad) or you can feel good while still wanting the things you don't have.  Either way, you don't have everything you want, but why do you have to feel bad about it?

I learned this lesson ten years ago when my son was first diagnosed with cancer.  This was devastating news to me!  I had no idea how I would continue to live a normal life.  I quickly realized that my son responded to my moods, so when I was with him in the hospital, I forced myself to be upbeat and happy.  It didn't take long for me to realize I was more able to cope when I was upbeat and happy.  So my lesson was...it is what it is, in this case, my son has cancer.  It is what it is whether I am wallowing in sorrow or living upbeat and happy.  As a matter of fact, my son benefited from my being upbeat and happy.  At first, I think I felt like I was being disrespectful in some way if I was upbeat while my son was sick, but the truth is, my son, as well as the rest of our loved ones, benefited from my mood.

So here's the thing, you want more money...it is what it is.  I'm not saying to stop the actions you might take to make more money...but change the way you look at the lack.  After all, the only reason we want what we want is to feel better in the having of it...so why not just feel better now, even before we get it?  Give it a try...

Things I know: Justification

Things I know: Justification: I think the root of all evil is justification...okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but think about it. Behind every bad thought, every bad be...

Justification

I think the root of all evil is justification...okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but think about it. Behind every bad thought, every bad behavior is a justification.  When we are mad at someone, our mind is full of all the reasons why we have every right to be angry.  The more we justify, the angrier we get.  If we eat something we shouldn't, we find a justification for why it's okay.  If we say something we shouldn't, we have a justification for that, too.  We use justification as an excuse...but who are we really hurting?  If I am mad at someone and my mind is full of justification, is the object of my anger hurt or is it me?

I don't think we can eliminate negative justification from our world, or even our thoughts, but I think we can reduce it with awareness.  Justification has a tendency of taking on a life of its own.  If we can stop the momentum before it gets too big, we can live a happier life.

So lets pretend your spouse left dishes in the sink...when you first see them, there is an annoyance. Then you remember that this is not the first time, and your annoyance becomes anger.  You've told your spouse hundreds of times to put the dishes in the dishwasher!  Dirty dishes attract bugs and smell bad!  It is a health issue, the whole family can get sick!  And who is he leaving these dishes for anyway!?  I ALWAYS have to clean up his dirty dishes! ...By the time your poor spouse enters the room, he doesn't stand a chance!  In addition, you feel terrible.  You're angry, feeling used.  But lets say you've read this blog and recognized your justification at annoyance.  If you stopped there, when your spouse walked into the room, you might say "can you put your dishes in the dishwasher?" and it would be over.  Trust me, your spouse has a justification for leaving the dishes in the sink in the first place...why get into a war of justifications?

I wonder why we don't use justification to our benefit?   What if we paid attention to our thoughts and used justification to increase the momentum of positive thoughts and actions?  At the very least, just being aware will reduce the negative justification...

Things I know: Contrary to Popular Belief...

Things I know: Contrary to Popular Belief...: It's been my experience that affirmations don't work.  I know that many a self help guru would disagree, and quite frankly, for year...

Contrary to Popular Belief...

It's been my experience that affirmations don't work.  I know that many a self help guru would disagree, and quite frankly, for years and years I would write down over and over my positive affirmations (as if they had already manifested)... Sound familiar?  Now, you may have had a different experience, and if so, please write to me because I am always evolving, but it has not been my experience.  

Now, I'm not saying that affirmations can't work, it's just that, for most people, your focus is directed to the lack of what you want rather than the manifestation of it.  For example, lets say you are struggling financially and would like to have financial freedom.  Perhaps you would write or say something along the lines of "I am now enjoying financial security, I have all the money I need to pay my bills with plenty left over to enjoy all the things in life that I desire".  Sounds good, right?  But lets look at this affirmation piece by piece... "I am now enjoying financial security..."   How does it feel when you say that to yourself?  What thoughts does that phrase evoke?  For me, it doesn't ring true.  In fact, my thoughts are now focused on the lack of financial security in my life, instead of acknowledging my financial successes. "...I have all the money I need to pay my bills with plenty left over to enjoy all the things in life that I desire"  Now I'm focused on my bills and unfulfilled desires.

I believe the Universe, God, Your Higher Self already knows your desires.  I don't think there's a need to write them down, say them over and over.  Instead, I believe our focus should be directed to the manifestation itself.  Day dream, imagine how it feels to pay off your bills...collect pictures of places you'd like to travel to or of the things you would like to buy...a shiny new luxury car...beautiful home with an inviting pool in the yard.  My point is, if we focus our thoughts, imaginings, feelings on the outcome, the manifestation, instead of the desire for the manifestation, we will have more success in achieving it.

Now, having said all this, if writing or repeating affirmations evokes in you the feelings of the manifestation, by all means, continue...but for those of us who have been disappointed, I offer another solution. Stop focusing on the desire, instead focus on how it will feel to achieve it.

Things I know: My Pedometer

Things I know: My Pedometer: I wear a pedometer. It's a wonderful little thing that not only tells me how many steps I've taken, but how many miles I've walk...

My Pedometer

I wear a pedometer. It's a wonderful little thing that not only tells me how many steps I've taken, but how many miles I've walked, how many steps were active, how many calories I've burned, if I input the food I've eaten, it will tell me how many calories I've consumed...it will record how much water I've drank...and it's only the size of a small stone!  It syncs with my phone and tablet and sends me messages of encouragement when I get close to my goals and congratulations when those goals are achieved.  Truly amazing, don't you think?  And every night, at midnight, it clears itself to zero.

Every day is a new start...it doesn't matter how many steps I took yesterday or the day before.  My pedometer only cares about today.  My pedometer doesn't get mad at me if I didn't take enough steps yesterday...it only cares about today.  Every message of encouragement is aimed at moving forward.  It doesn't care what the people around me are doing, it doesn't compare me with my peers...it only cares about me...right here, right now.

Wouldn't it be great if we treated ourselves the same way?  If our only concern was moving forward?  If we didn't look back at our past mistakes?  If we didn't care about what the people around us were doing?  If we didn't compare ourselves to anyone else?  If we gave ourselves little messages of encouragement and congratulations?  

The truth is, we do have an internal voice...our own internal pedometer...if we choose to listen.  It's like those old cartoons, the little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.  We have one voice telling us how great we are, and another telling us we are not...but which do you choose to listen to?  I think most of us choose to listen to the little devil, but that's just a habit.  With practice, you can learn to make the angel the dominant voice in your head.

I know it will take some paying attention at first, but eventually, it will become a habit, too.  The more you listen to either voice, the stronger that voice will become.  Why not make it the voice of encouragement?  Next time you hear your internal voice telling you something great, savor it!  Hold that thought for as long as you can...the more you do this, the stronger that voice will become.  Let your inner voice be like a pedometer...forget about past mistakes, look forward, give encouragement and congratulate accomplishments.  Wouldn't that be great?

Things I know: Wheel of Fortune!

Things I know: Wheel of Fortune!: You know how when you wake up in the morning, not when you get out of bed, but when you first open your eyes, and you haven't thought ab...

Wheel of Fortune!

You know how when you wake up in the morning, not when you get out of bed, but when you first open your eyes, and you haven't thought about anything yet?  Thoughts start to fly through your mind...pieces of your dreams, that bill that needs paying, that project you did so well on, that argument you had, that joke you heard...it's like a carnival wheel...which thought will it land on?  Wheel of Fortune...except, unlike the real thing, this wheel can be willed to move one more click over to reach the happier thought.  I like the morning because there is no momentum built up yet...I can choose what I want to think about pretty easily.  And if that wheel lands on an unhappy thought, I can push it just a little further until I am satisfied.  

Imagine if you started every day choosing your thoughts?  I don't pretend that this will change the rest of your day...you will still run into life, but imagine how pleasant it would be to start each day with a happy thought.  

I know that sometimes happy thoughts are hard to come by.  Sometimes you have to dig deep, and sometimes the thoughts that made you happy yesterday aren't working today, but keep pushing that wheel one more click until something works for you.  At first, your wheel will probably be filled with unhappy thoughts and it will take some doing.  You may not even be able to keep the wheel on a happy thought, but don't worry, it will get easier.  Look for things throughout your day to add to the wheel, notice the things that make you smile.  There's only so many thoughts that will fit on the wheel, so every happy thought knocks off an unhappy one.  Collect those happy thoughts!

The morning, or whenever you wake up, is an opportunity...an opportunity to choose how you will feel for at least the next few minutes...and possibly your day!  Good Morning!

Things I know: Reacting vs Responding

Things I know: Reacting vs Responding: I read something this morning about the difference between reacting and responding.  The way I see it, responding is controlled, reacting is...

Reacting vs Responding

I read something this morning about the difference between reacting and responding.  The way I see it, responding is controlled, reacting is not.  A friend was very upset about a work situation the other day and I realized how distraught she was, how this one situation was effecting her entire being.  She was angry and kept thinking about the situation, mulling it over at every opportunity...getting angrier and angrier.  Her face looked hard and unhappy.  Has this ever happened to you?  Have you ever had something happen that caused you change your whole being?  Of course you have, we all have...I think this is reacting.  It's the reaction we have to a situation without even thinking about it...like when we walk into a spider web or a bug lands on us.   But the truth is, my friend's reaction was not helping her, in fact, her whole life was being effected by one aspect of it.  So after a day or so, my friend started looking at the situation a little differently.  She forced herself to see her boss's side of things, and although she didn't agree, she could she that her boss's motivation was not malicious which helped the anger to subside.  This is responding.  

I am a Realtor, and I have walked into many spider webs in many houses.  I hate walking into spider webs, but I had to train myself to minimize my reaction...it would not serve me to freak out every time I walked into a spider web in someone's basement!  I had to train myself to respond rather than react.

We have opportunities every day to respond or react.  The cool thing is, even if we initially react, we can change that to a response at any time.  We can change direction, we can calm down, we can look at things differently.  All it takes is awareness and control.  Pay attention...are you reacting or responding?

Things I know: The Key to Happiness...

Things I know: The Key to Happiness...: I know the key to happiness.  It's all about how you feel...and how you feel depends on what you are thinking.  So if you can figure out...

The Key to Happiness...

I know the key to happiness.  It's all about how you feel...and how you feel depends on what you are thinking.  So if you can figure out a way to control what you are thinking, you can control how you feel...make sense?  And by extension, we can control our happiness.  Think about this, there are two people, one that you like, admire and look up to.  The other is a person you don't think highly of.  Its best if you think of specific people, right now.  Now, I want you to imagine each of these people asking you to move your car.  Close your eyes and imagine it.  Can you feel the difference in your feelings, just imagining these two people asking you to do a normal activity?  Now pay close attention to the additional, underlying self talk.  For the person you like, there is probably less chatter...the person you dislike, however, has a whole conversation going on...am I right?  Without that underlying self talk, your negative feelings have no fuel, and can't grow.  It's just a matter of catching yourself in the act.  

So what do we do when we catch ourselves in the act of negative thinking?  It's easy to say "stop" but not so easy to do. Your mind can only think about one thing at a time...that's a fact...so the key is to find something else to occupy your mind.  I'll tell you a few things I do that may help you, but quite honestly, you will have to find the trick or tricks that stop your negative thoughts in their tracks.  You've heard this before, but I like to use music.  Just listening to music is often insufficient because my mind still has room to wander...so I put on head phones and consciously think about each word being sung.   By doing this, I am forced to stop thinking the negative thoughts.  Another trick that works for me is finding something funny to read.  I find reading more "mind occupying" than watching a video, but you may be different.  One of my favorite, immediate cures for negative thoughts is to Google "funny texts".  I find these mistake texts very funny and the result is immediate.  Again, when I am reading these texts, my thoughts are forced to shift from negative to positive.  Find your trick, try different things until you hit upon the best ones for you.  It is so worth it!

There's one more thing I want to say...I find most people are resistant to giving up on their negative thoughts on a topic.  My guess is because these thoughts are our reaction to reality and there is a certain amount of momentum behind them.  So don't worry about trying to change your thoughts on a certain topic...momentum will make it impossible.  For example, when thinking about a person you don't care for, don't waste your time trying to change your thoughts about that person...that will only frustrate you.  Instead, find a way to come to a sudden stop and change direction all together. The jolt from one thought process to another will stop the momentum and clear your mind to make room for happier thoughts.  At first, you will hardly ever catch yourself, but when you do, practice changing the direction of your thoughts.   Don't be hard on yourself...that will only add more negative thinking.  Instead, congratulate yourself on recognizing when you are in a negative momentum.  The more you do it, the easier it will become.  The more you practice this, the happier you will be.  Try it, you will live a happier life...and isn't that worth the effort?

Things I know: I look good today!

Things I know: I look good today!: You know how you can look at yourself in the mirror, and from one angle you look great, but from another, you don't look as good?  Well,...

I look good today!

You know how you can look at yourself in the mirror, and from one angle you look great, but from another, you don't look as good?  Well, it's kind of like life...it all depends on how you look at things.  When looking in the mirror, do you keep going back to the bad angle?  Or do you focus on the good one?  When you focus on the good angle before walking out the door in the morning, you're going to feel better throughout your day...more confident, a little lighter in your step, a smile upon your face.  You feel good!  Now think about it...when you're smiling, standing tall, walking with a little more bounce, confident...aren't you more attractive?  Aren't you more likely to have positive encounters?  Don't people respond to you in a more pleasant way?  Aren't you in a better mood?  So I ask you...why even give that bad angle more than a passing glance!?  Of course, if there was something you could do to improve that bad angle, by all means, do it...but if its just a bad angle, that stop looking at it!

You all know me by now...you know I'm talking about more than your reflection in a mirror.  Every situation in life has a good and a bad angle...as a matter of fact, there are infinite angles in varying degrees of appeal.  How you look at every situation can change your life!  In my observation, many people want to focus on the negative side of a situation.  They dwell on it, want to tell everyone about it, lose sleep thinking about it, worry, cry...the list is never ending.  But what do you think would happen if we stopped dwelling, thinking, worrying...do you think the situation would get worse?  Of course not!  Our attention will not improve a bad situation...in fact, it will make us feel worse!  So why not find that better angle?  At the very least, you'll be better equipped to deal with the situation because you'll be starting from a better place.   I choose, every day, what angle I am going to focus on.  The choice is mine!  I am responsible for my mood, my appeal, my confidence, how I feel, my stress level, my life!  There's nothing more empowering!  I choose the best angle I can find...which do you choose?

Things I know: The Secret to Success

Things I know: The Secret to Success: I know it's been a long time, but unless I feel inspired, I just can't write. I've been thinking this morning about success. My ...

The Secret to Success

I know it's been a long time, but unless I feel inspired, I just can't write. I've been thinking this morning about success. My measure of success is simple... Every day I strive to inspire, motivate, help or make smile at least one person. Now I know you may be thinking that this is a cop out. You're looking for the key to wealth, positive love relationships, career success...but in a way, that's what I'm talking about. I have found that making the world around you a better place, even just a little, brings you peace, brings you joy, makes you happy. When you are at peace, when you are happy, wealth, love and career success follows. I can't explain why, I just know it to be true. I've seen it over and over, not just in my own life, but in the lives of others. 

So my measure of success: To inspire, motivate, help or make smile at least one person, every day. In return, I am rewarded with peace and happiness. Personally, I think that's a pretty good deal. :-)

Things I know: Little Surprises

Things I know: Little Surprises: My friend, Linda, inadvertently stumbled upon a great thing.  She put a picture of me laughing as my contact picture on her cell phone.  It&...

Little Surprises

My friend, Linda, inadvertently stumbled upon a great thing.  She put a picture of me laughing as my contact picture on her cell phone.  It's a full face shot, so every time I call her, I fill up her screen, laughing.  Every time she sees it, it makes her laugh...so every time I call her, I am greeted with laughter.  It's the nicest thing!  Imagine if all your favorite people were greeted with laughter every time they called! How wonderful would it be to call you?  How wonderful would it be for all your phone conversations to start with a smile?  I LOVE this!  

So that got me thinking...what other little happy surprises can I leave myself?  What can I do to brighten my day, and the day of those around me, even if just for a moment?  Happy screen savers?  Sign up for a joke of the day email?  I'm at a loss.  So I turn to you...my faithful readers.  This is an interactive posting...I want ideas!  I will share them in a future post, but PLEASE help me.  

So please comment with your ideas...and in the meantime, those of you in my contacts beware...I will be snapping happy, laughing pictures of you, and answering your calls with laughter.

Things I know: Embrace the Want

Things I know: Embrace the Want: Do you have everything you want?  That's kind of a trick question, isn't it?  The truth is, we will never have everything we want be...

Embrace the Want

Do you have everything you want?  That's kind of a trick question, isn't it?  The truth is, we will never have everything we want because as soon as we get the things in life we were yearning for, we start to want something else...and that's not such a bad thing.  If we suddenly had everything we have ever dreamed of, what would be left to strive for?  What would be left to live for?  I believe it's the want that makes the world go round.  

I can remember, when I was a young adult, wanting a home, a family, a career...all of which I now have.  It seems natural...these things happen to many people, buying a house, starting a family...but at the time, it seemed huge to me.  At the time, I could never imagine having enough money to buy a house.  But in time, I did.  My point is, those things you are wanting right now may seem insurmountable, but as you move closer to accomplishing them, they will seem achievable and there will be new wants on the horizon.  So many times we look at want as lack, but want is what keeps us alive!  Want is what keeps us moving forward, keeps us growing...frankly, is what fuels innovation and advancement throughout the world!  Think about where we would be if Thomas Edison didn't want light!

So how do you look at want?  Do you view your wants as negatives that you don't have or as fuel for your growth?  Embrace the want....you would be no where without it!

Things I know: As Seen Through Their Eyes

Things I know: As Seen Through Their Eyes: It's so easy to get annoyed or mad at someone else, isn't it?  A driver that cuts you off, a rude store clerk or patron, your cowork...

As Seen Through Their Eyes

It's so easy to get annoyed or mad at someone else, isn't it?  A driver that cuts you off, a rude store clerk or patron, your coworker that snaps at you.  But lets pretend, for just a moment, that you could see through their eyes...walk in their shoes...feel what they are feeling.  Lets pretend that at the moment you began to feel annoyed, you had insight into the world of that person.  Maybe that rude store clerk has a sick child at home, hardly sleeps at night caring for her and is working in this store to keep a roof over their head.  Would you still feel annoyed at this clerk?  It changes things, doesn't it?

I was in the car with someone the other day and another car cut us off.  Our immediate response, both of us, was to call the other driver a jerk.  But for some reason, I said "we'll, maybe his wife is having a baby and he's trying to get there on time". My colleague then said something equally as understanding and soon it became sort of a game.  The truth is, it doesn't even matter what is really going on in the other person's life.  If seeing through their eyes makes you a better person, that will spread.  If seeing through their eyes makes you treat people in a kinder way, they and others that observe you will be kinder.  Think about it, you know it's true...  So lets all try this today... See through their eyes.  It just may make the world a better place (at least for us) :-)

Things I know: This very moment...

Things I know: This very moment...: Some time ago I was transferred to a new office to manage.  It was like a clean slate...a new chance to make a difference.  Well, the truth ...

This very moment...

Some time ago I was transferred to a new office to manage.  It was like a clean slate...a new chance to make a difference.  Well, the truth is, every day is really like a new beginning...filled with new opportunities...new challenges.  When I open my eyes in the morning, before starting my day, I ask myself..."what new joys are in store for me today?"  The key here is to start the day focusing on the positive things ahead of me.  You see, every moment has a positive and negative side.  The question is, which way do you choose to focus on?  I've found that there really is not a "wrong side of the bed" but rather a wrong direction to focus on.  On a busy, stressful day, do you think about how hard the day is for you or how nice it will be when the day is done?  These differences seem minor, but the effect on your day is huge!

I went on vacation with a group of friends.  It was a wonderful vacation, filled with laughter and fun.  There was a big group of us, so there were many personalities.  I noticed that my friends that focused on how few days we had left in paradise were having less fun.  Every moment of every day is an opportunity to paint the picture we want it to be.

Now, changing your outlook on life is a tall order.  Changing your world seems insurmountable. But what about this very moment?  Can you find the positive thing to focus on right now?  Don't worry about changing your life, just change this moment.  Throughout your day, whenever you think of it, stop for a moment and focus on the happy, the joy, something that makes you smile.  I promise you, the more you do, the more natural it will become to you.  This very moment is an opportunity!  How great is that!?

Things I know: Sun, Air, Earth, Water

Things I know: Sun, Air, Earth, Water: When you think of a great vacation, what do you think of? Sitting by a pool or on a beach? Maybe skiing some great trail...perhaps a cabin...

Sun, Air, Earth, Water

When you think of a great vacation, what do you think of? Sitting by a pool or on a beach? Maybe skiing some great trail...perhaps a cabin by the lake? Wherever it is, chances are it is somewhere where you can spend time outdoors. A friend of mine received some troubling news the other day and upon hearing it, she immediately wanted to go outside for air. Why is it we prefer sunny days to rainy ones? The truth is, we feel better outside. Sun, air, earth and water... So here's another secret to being happy...get outside as often as possible. Simple, I know, but often overlooked.

Studies show that the sun boosts your mood, improves sleep and increases Vitamin D production. The natural sounds produced by bodies of water are soothing and calming, not to mention the benefits of drinking plenty of water... I read an article recently about the physical and mental health benefits of just five minutes a day of outdoor exercise.

So many of us spend our entire day indoors. Some days, the only time I spend outdoors is going from the car to the door. So here's a challenge... For the next two weeks, make sure you spend at least fifteen minutes straight outside. Rain or shine, warm or cold. For two weeks, spend time outside. Take note of your mood...take note of how you feel physically. I guarantee you, once you get into the habit of spending time outside, you'll be hooked!

Things I know: Ride it Out

Things I know: Ride it Out: Some years ago, during a very difficult time, I stumbled upon a way to get through my day. My husband was in the hospital having heart surg...

Things I know: The Choice is Yours...

Things I know: The Choice is Yours...: Yesterday I was feeling some unexplained anxiety. Just an uncomfortable feeling kind of nagging at me. The problem was, the more I tried t...

The Choice is Yours...

Yesterday I was feeling some unexplained anxiety. Just an uncomfortable feeling kind of nagging at me. The problem was, the more I tried to explore the source of this feeling, the more anxious I became. As I was scrolling through my mental list of things that might be causing me anxiety, I realized that I was in the process of creating a problem that wasn't even there to begin with! We tend to do that, don't we? Why do we feel compelled to explore every negative feeling to get at the source? Some of us think we might be having a premonition of something bad that's about to happen, and start to think about what might happen...again, expanding the negative feelings we started out with. So yesterday, as I realized what I was doing, with the help of some of my tools, I stopped my thought process. I put on my headphones and listened to some upbeat music (I like using headphones because I feel like the music surrounds me) and before too long, I was feeling much better.

Well, this got me thinking. I don't ever recall searching for the source when I was feeling unexplained joy. When I feel joyous and happy, I just let it be! But what if I did explore my mental list of blessings? Would I be strengthening the positive feelings? Of course, the answer is yes. The best part about it is, you don't really need to have unexplained joy to scroll through your mental list of positive thoughts. You can do that right now! Joy is a decision! You can make the decision to be happy today, or even just for right now. You have the power to choose, every moment of every day, how you are going to feel. You don't have to allow a grumpy spouse or angry boss affect your mood...you can choose to let the moods of others float right by. So empowering! So the choice is yours...how will you feel today?

Ride it Out

Some years ago, during a very difficult time, I stumbled upon a way to get through my day. My husband was in the hospital having heart surgery, I was running my own business, daughter at home and I was feeling overwhelmed. So at a moment when I thought I was about to break down I thought to myself "if I can just get through the next hour, then I can break down". What I found was that I no longer felt like I needed to break down, after only fifteen or twenty minutes. Sometime later, maybe a couple of days, when I was feeling scared, I did the same thing. Again, it worked like a charm.

It's almost like the ocean. Our emotions go through waves of intensity. If you can just hold on and ride out the wave, you'll be okay. Now, I know that's a lot easier to say than to do, but if you hold in your mind the knowledge that this moment will pass, you can do it. The truth is, everything always works out. Some things take longer, but eventually, everything always works out. Even the big stuff... My Mom passed away some years ago and I was filled with sadness that seemed like it wouldn't go away. I worried about my father and what would become of him without my mother around. Of course, everything is great. My father has thrived, I'm fine, my brother and sister are fine...everything worked out. It always does, so next time you are feeling overwhelmed...thinking you won't make it...hold on. Ride it out...it will pass.

Things I know: Rule #24

Things I know: Rule #24: This is a tricky rule to talk about. I've had a lot of trouble putting this into words. Rule #24 is ALWAYS BE IMPROVING. I know that...

Things I know: Rule #23

Things I know: Rule #23: Remember your first day of high school? Walking into that big building, so many strange kids, most of whom you didn't know. Your middl...

Things I know: Take a Moment

Things I know: Take a Moment: Have you ever done something or said something and wished immediately that you could take it back? Of course you have, we all have. Sometim...

Take a Moment

Have you ever done something or said something and wished immediately that you could take it back? Of course you have, we all have. Sometimes we hurt others and don't even realize it...we get caught up in our own reality and don't think about who we may be affecting, or how our words or actions may be received. Even when we intentionally say something unkind, do we take a moment to think about how the other person will feel? When you do hurt someone else, how does that make YOU feel? Even when you feel justified in your words and actions, do you ever feel good after hurting someone?

I propose we take a moment, just a deep breath, before we say or do something, and put ourselves in the shoes of the other person. If we all could master the art of pausing before acting, we might just change the world! Think back on the times you have been the cause of someone else's pain...imagine if you took a moment before acting...perhaps you would have acted differently. If you took a deep breath before saying something mean, hurtful or even just thoughtless, imagine how much less hurt you will cause. Imagine if everyone practiced the art of taking a moment! At the very least, if you practice the art of taking a moment, your world would be a better place...and isn't that all we really have control over anyway?

Things I know: Rule #22

Things I know: Rule #22: The week or two before I go away on vacation I start to get excited. I start putting things I need to pack on the side, start picking up th...

Things I know: Rule #21

Things I know: Rule #21: How would you like to have more satisfying work and personal relationships? More peaceful environments? Well there is a small act, that wh...

Things I know: Rule #20

Things I know: Rule #20: Throughout this blog I have talked about controlling your thoughts, but this is so important, it has its own rule. Rule #20 is CONTROL YOU...

Things I know: Rule #19

Things I know: Rule #19: Have you ever had an unexplained bad feeling about something you were about to do and when you did it anyway it turned out to be a mistake? ...

Things I know: Feel Better

Things I know: Feel Better: What is it that you want in life? A new car? A new house? Luxurious vacations? A relationship? A better figure? Whatever it is, I believe...

Feel Better

What is it that you want in life? A new car? A new house? Luxurious vacations? A relationship? A better figure? Whatever it is, I believe there's only one reason you want something more and that's because you believe you will feel better in the having of it. Think about it...the truth is, at the root of every want is the desire to feel better. So what if we worked towards that "feel better" feeling, even before we got the "want"? What if our goal each morning was to "feel good today"? Imagine how productive your day would be if you set out each morning to feel good. Now, I know, you're thinking that you would rather wait until you have the new car to feel better...and I get that, but would it hurt to strive for that feel better feeling, even before actually having it? Of course not! And yet, it might just help...how much more satisfying would your days be? How much more satisfying would your interactions with people be? How much happier would your life be?

So here's what I propose...instead of noticing the things you want and don't have...how about focusing on the expectation of the things you want. It's a subtle change in the way you look at things, but it is the difference that will change your life. This will take some practice...when you sit behind the wheel of your old clunker and the car has a hard time starting, right now you probably curse the car and the circumstances that prevent you from getting a new one. Instead, try looking forward to how great it will be when you get a new car. It will start up every morning without a problem, it will be shiny and new looking, comfortable interior with no holes in the seats... The truth is, whether you curse your circumstances or anticipate new ones, you are where you are. Why not feel better right here, right now? It certainly couldn't hurt, and it might just make your life a little easier.

Things I know: Rule #18

Things I know: Rule #18: I sometimes get distracted. I get busy and try to do too many things at once. Sometimes I allow my mind to wander. Rule #18 is PAY ATTENT...

Things I know: Rule #17

Things I know: Rule #17: Have you ever met someone and knew instantly that they were being phony? Or on the flip side, have you ever met someone and knew right away...

Things I know: Rule #16

Things I know: Rule #16: I have seen families torn apart, friendships end, marriages fail...all because no one would say they were sorry. Rule #16 is SAY I'M S...

Things I know: Satisfied?

Things I know: Satisfied?: Are we ever fully satisfied? Oh, of course, we can be satisfied for the moment, but eventually we yearn for more. When you eat a big meal,...

Satisfied?

Are we ever fully satisfied? Oh, of course, we can be satisfied for the moment, but eventually we yearn for more. When you eat a big meal, you may satisfy your hunger, but in time, you will be hungry again. When you earn a good salary, you will be happy for a while, but eventually, you will want more. We want our relationships to grow stronger, we want new things, we get haircuts to look different...better. If we had perfect weather every day of the year, we would get bored and never really appreciate a beautiful day. In everything we do and have, we eventually want more. I think dissatisfaction is the key to success.

I believe it's the yearning for more that drives us. If we were to become completely satisfied, there would be no motivation. Without motivation, we would never improve. Without improvement, we would shrivel up and die. Now, I'm not talking about greed. I'm not talking about hoarding. These are traits that hurt you and those around you. No, I'm talking about never being satisfied with the status quo. Always looking to improve ourselves and our surroundings.

So what motivates us to improve? It's in the knowing what we DON'T want that clarifies the knowing what we DO want. We can never see something better through the eyes of satisfaction. Our growth is in the contrast...without the dissatisfaction, there would be no movement...no improvement. So I welcome that feeling of dissatisfaction...of yearning, of wanting more. It means I'm growing. It means I'm improving. It means I'm alive!

Things I know: Rule #15

Things I know: Rule #15: Imagine how much less stress you would have in your life if you were always honest. Rule #15 is BE HONEST. Now I believe most people are h...

Things I know: This is Life!

Things I know: This is Life!: A few days ago, I became a grandmother. I can't describe to you how wonderful that feels...joy, wonder, love. The day before, my fath...

Things I know: I interrupt this blog to bring you an important me...

Things I know: I interrupt this blog to bring you an important me...: I interrupt this blog to bring you an important message. These rules that I have been blogging are the rules I STRIVE to live by. It is im...

This is Life!

A few days ago, I became a grandmother. I can't describe to you how wonderful that feels...joy, wonder, love. The day before, my father was admitted to the hospital...fear, worry. The fact is...this is life. There are positive and negative events, both big and small, every moment of every day. The question is, where do I direct my focus? My focus is my compass...I have the choice every day to focus on those things in my life that make me feel happy, positive, joyous. It doesn't mean the negative events are any less important or meaningful to me, it simply means that I choose to dwell on those things that make me feel good. This is a choice we are faced with every day...where is your focus?

It's kind of empowering, isn't it? To know you have a choice in how you feel? Most people seem to focus on whatever is in front of them at the moment...traffic, cranky people, a long line, a fight with a loved one...but the truth is, you can choose to direct your focus on something else...last night's conversation with a friend, a good laugh at work, a special moment with your spouse. There is always something better to focus on...you just have to get into the habit of looking for it. I promise you, its always there...a better thought to focus on. Make it a game, find the better thought...

You can change the course of your life...by changing your focus. How cool is that!?

Things I know: Rule #14

Things I know: Rule #14: Teddy Roosevelt said "Believe in yourself and you're half way there". Rule #14 is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I've heard athle...

Things I know: Rule #13

Things I know: Rule #13: There is a lot to be said for quieting your mind. Quieting that constant inner voice that sometimes berates you, or maybe criticizes you. ...

Things I know: Rule #12

Things I know: Rule #12: I've been to many sales rally's, conventions and trade shows over the years and I've noticed one constant among the most success...

Things I know: Rule #11

Things I know: Rule #11: I have a GPS I use to find my way. Before that I used mapquest and before that I had maps. All these tools have one thing in common...I ha...

Things I know: Rule #10

Things I know: Rule #10: Oh, this is one of the hardest rules to follow! Rule #10 is DON'T JUDGE. It must be human nature to judge each other because most peo...

Things I know: Rule #9

Things I know: Rule #9: I want you to think about a time when you had a really fun time. If you were describing it to me, most of you would accompany your story wi...

Things I know: Rule #8

Things I know: Rule #8: Did you ever meet someone who was always positive? It's nice to be around them, isn't it? Even when most people would be down, som...

Things I know: Break the Routine

Things I know: Break the Routine: Most days I wake up around the same time, go through the same morning routine, drive the same route to work. I like to go to the same resta...

Break the Routine

Most days I wake up around the same time, go through the same morning routine, drive the same route to work. I like to go to the same restaurants, order my favorite meals...basically, like most people, I get comfort from following the same routine. In fact, on the days I don't follow my routine, I feel a little off. We are creatures of habit, us humans. There's never any growth in comfort, though. Time travels fast in comfort...the same routine every day leads to months, then years. Today is a good day to shake things up a little!

Now I'm not saying to do something crazy...I'm just saying that a break in the routine is good for the soul. I think when we get into a routine and do the same things the same way, everything falls into a routine...our thoughts, how we see things, how we hear things. Start out small...drive a different way to work, change the order of your morning activities, go somewhere new for lunch... You'll never find a better way of doing something if you don't try something new. For many years, I have driven to my sister-in-law's house the same way. I always thought there should be a better way to get there, but for years I didn't try. Then one day I decided to get off a few exits early and make my way through the back roads...what's the worst that could happen? Well, of course, I found a better, faster, more direct route. Even if I didn't, I would have had something different to look at...maybe found a new store to go to...anything new. My point is, if you stay in the same routine, day in and day out, your life will be the same, day in and day out. Growth, new discoveries, new ideas and new ways of doing things happen outside the routine.

Life happens outside the routine!

Things I know: Rule #7

Things I know: Rule #7: There's not much to say about Rule #7, but its one of my rules, so here we go...Rule #7 is SAY I LOVE YOU. This rule is a simple one, ...

Things I know: Rule #6

Things I know: Rule #6: So, remember Rule #2? Always be kind? Well rule #6 is similar......BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. Now this rule has many aspects to it. For me, bein...

Things I know: Rule #5

Things I know: Rule #5: If I told you I could give you the power to make your day brighter, improve your looks, stop arguments, get people to listen to you, feel go...

Things I know: Rule #4

Things I know: Rule #4: I call Rule #4 DO THE RIGHT THING, but I guess it's really about integrity. Being true to who I am. Now, I think there's a huge di...

Things I know: Rule #3

Things I know: Rule #3: Some years ago, I came to a realization while driving. Anyone who has driven in the NY metropolitan area knows that driving around here can...

Things I know: Rule #2

Things I know: Rule #2: So rule number two in my life rules is ...ALWAYS BE KIND. There is nothing in life, no situation, that can't be made at least a little ...

Things I know: Rule #2

Things I know: Rule #2: So rule number two in my life rules is ...ALWAYS BE KIND. There is nothing in life, no situation, that can't be made at least a little ...

Things I know: My first blog

Things I know: My first blog: So this is my first blog, but in some ways, I've been blogging all my life. My name is Terri and I want to tell you about the things I k...

Things I know: Risk

Things I know: Risk: Something I discovered about myself is that I'm a risk taker. I didn't really realize it because I'm not a dare devil and I alw...

Risk

Something I discovered about myself is that I'm a risk taker. I didn't really realize it because I'm not a dare devil and I always associated risk with physical extremes....but I am, indeed, a risk taker. I've changed jobs and careers many times, traveled alone and in unconventional ways, speak to everyone I meet, from the homeless to the famous...I'm not a saver, bought my current car without so much as a test drive. Risk is where I feel alive...at all levels.

Now, I know that most of my postings on this blog have been advisory in nature, but today I can only share. I don't know if risk taking is for everyone...I only know that to me, taking risks is like the air I breathe...necessary. Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about life threatening, or even thrill seeking...remember, I'm not a dare devil... I'm talking about stretching myself further than I think I can go. I'm talking about walking into the unknown, even if its scary or makes me nervous. I'm talking about trying something new...without doing research.

Taking risks does not always work out...guess it wouldn't be a risk if it did...but my greatest growth as a human being has been from taking risks. I would not be the person I am without the life lessons I've learned from taking risks. Maybe today you'll think about this posting and take a small risk...see if you like it. Caution is safe, that's for sure, but maybe an occasional risk will spice up your life. It certainly has made my life interesting!

Things I know: Get in the Zone

Things I know: Get in the Zone: It seems to me that we humans have a problem with shortage...shortage of time, shortage of money, shortage of ideas, shortage of help, short...

Get in the Zone

It seems to me that we humans have a problem with shortage...shortage of time, shortage of money, shortage of ideas, shortage of help, shortage of talent, shortage of love...the list goes on and on. But have you ever had things go just right? Have you ever been working on something and you had just the right amount of time? The perfect idea? Enough money? Think back to those times...how were you feeling? I can tell you, for me, when I am stressed or harried, it feels like there are not enough hours in the day...but when I am "in the zone", I feel like I can do anything. When I am in the zone, things just fall into place. I don't feel deprived, rather I feel invigorated. I was at a diner the other day and every table was full. There seemed to be less wait staff than usual and there were a lot of people for the waitress to take care of. I would have thought the waitress would have been stressed, but she seemed to be everywhere she was needed at just the right moment. It was as if she knew what her customers wanted at the moment they wanted it. Looking around, none of the customers seemed agitated or in need. That waitress was in the zone, and everyone around her benefited from it.

Some years ago, I discovered that I could put myself "in the zone" much of the time. Sometimes I meditate, sometimes I listen to music, sometimes a hot shower or exercise will do it. What I noticed is there is almost a snapping into place that I can actually feel when I get to that mental place I call "in the zone". When I am in the zone, I am more productive, more efficient, more effective. I don't feel a shortage of time, energy, talent or anything else. I feel happy, alive, powerful. Athletes, artists, musicians have always instinctively gotten into the zone before a game or performance. It is easy to be your best when you take a few minutes to get into the zone.

I try to start each day in the zone. I find that one day meditation may do it, but the next day only listening to music will. Find what works for you. Take the time each day to "get in the zone"...you can't afford not to.

Things I know: Becoming an Optimist

Things I know: Becoming an Optimist: Imagine it's your birthday and you have a whole day of activities planned. You are having a great day when sometime in the afternoon, s...

Becoming an Optimist

Imagine it's your birthday and you have a whole day of activities planned. You are having a great day when sometime in the afternoon, someone important to you says or does something that is very hurtful to you. No matter what the outcome, here is my question to you...when you look back on that birthday, do you think first of the hurt or the great day? I think it's human nature to dwell on the unwanted, the painful, the hurt, and honestly, I don't know why. Imagine how much happier our memories would be if we just dwelled on the positive. Did you ever have one event ruin your whole day? Now of course, some events warrant the stigma of ruining the whole day, but I think that most do not. In fact, I would venture to guess that most events would hardly scratch the surface if not for our thoughts giving attention to them. Our thoughts on anything are like fuel to a fire. Think about how quickly a minor infraction can turn into a huge argument when you focus your thoughts on the infraction. Quite frankly, I think it's easier to allow negative thoughts to run wild in our minds than positive ones. It's much more of a conscious decision, but a decision you can perfect. In fact, you can make a habit of focusing your thoughts on the positive side of any situation...many people do, we call them optimists. I'm not talking about burying your head in the sand, I'm just saying you have a choice. Your thoughts are going to fuel the fire...it's up to you which fire.

So try this, throughout your day, take a moment here and there to notice how you feel (happy, angry, frustrated). Once you've examined how you feel, pay attention to what you were thinking about. If your mood is a positive one, put those thoughts on a mental shelf to be brought out and thought about when you are feeling down. If your mood is a negative one, examine the thoughts you were thinking and see if you can find a bright side...if not, simply change the subject of your internal self talk. Be easy on yourself. Habits take time to form, but it is worth it. Optimistic people live happier, healthier lives...isn't that worth the effort?

Things I know: Just a Little Extra

Things I know: Just a Little Extra: This past summer, I was watching the Olympics and caught the men's 400 meter freestyle of which Michael Phelps was expected to win the G...

Just a Little Extra

This past summer, I was watching the Olympics and caught the men's 400 meter freestyle of which Michael Phelps was expected to win the Gold. Throughout the entire race, Michael was in the lead until at the very end of the race, when the French swimmer reached ahead and with a final surge, touched the wall before Michael did. Now this was a big upset, but what I saw was the huge difference just a little extra effort can make.

It seems to me that it's the little extra we do that brings the biggest rewards. The tiny finishing touches, the extra few minutes, the polish. The difference between the great masters in history and their contemporaries was their willingness to do just a little bit more. Anthony Robbins says its not the 100th push up, but the 101st that brings the biggest result. Good enough just isn't if you want to soar!

Think about this, when you see a beautifully decorated room, it's the trim, the subtle coordination of colors, the finishing touches that make it exquisite. When I get dressed in the morning, it's the accessories that complete the look I'm going for. The details an author puts into his writing that paint a picture for the reader. The extra!

So try this, every time you think you are finished, ask yourself, "what tiny bit more can I do?" and watch how your life will change! The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

Things I know: Fake it Till You Make It

Things I know: Fake it Till You Make It: A few weeks ago, I had a presentation to do and right before I walked out the door I received a disturbing phone call. Now, I have to be up...

Fake it Till You Make It

A few weeks ago, I had a presentation to do and right before I walked out the door I received a disturbing phone call. Now, I have to be upbeat and positive when doing a presentation, so I listened to music on the way to the event but I was still not myself. In cases like this, I "fake it till I make it" And thats exactly what I did. I can't even tell you how far along I was in my presentation, but at some point I realized I WAS actually feeling pumped up and positive.

I have used this technique many times. I have shared with you dozens of tricks and tools I use to lead a happier, more fulfilling life...but sometimes it's just not enough. When all else fails, fake it till you make it. Not feeling confident? Pretend you are. Feeling grouchy? Pretend you're in a good mood. It's not really that hard to do. So lets say you're feeling a bit grouchy. There have been days when you were in a good mood, you just need to remember what that good mood felt like. Pretend you are in a play, pretend its an acting job. Now, it will feel unnatural at first, but trust me, it will get easier and before you know it, you won't even be acting at all.

For years the advice columns and self help gurus have been using this technique, usually on a grander scale...for prosperity, relationships, career success, etc. and for good reason...it works! When you pretend, fake it, you change your focus...your mind set. Your mind can only focus on one thing at a time...you can only be thinking one thought at a time...when you turn your attention to the desired result, your mind switches gears to accommodate you. It's as simple as that. So next time you're in a slump, try pretending you're having a great day...Fake it Till you make it!

Things I know: Grief

Things I know: Grief: So what about the big stuff? How do you get through the really big events like death, divorce, major illness? It's so much harder to c...

Grief

So what about the big stuff? How do you get through the really big events like death, divorce, major illness? It's so much harder to control your thoughts through grief than through anger or sadness. Like all of you, I've had my fair share of life altering hardships and I've discovered a few things that help. However, no matter how bad it is, time is the only thing that truly heals. Even an ongoing hardship like my son's illness is a much lighter burden now than when we first discovered he was sick. Having said that, there are a few temporary fixes I have found to help you get through the day. Now, I know that this blog is the last thing you'll be thinking about when you are faced with a major hardship, but maybe at some point in your day, you'll think about something I've posted and just maybe your burden will be lifted, just a little.

So have you ever noticed that when a loved one dies the days of preparation and services are so much easier than when everything is over? Well, that's the first tool of dealing with grief...keep busy. Go back to work as soon as you can, volunteer, take a class...do what ever you can to stay busy. Find a distraction to pass the time, because as time goes by, it WILL get easier. The second tool is laughter. Watch a comedy, read funny stories, reminisce about fun times. Even if only for a few minutes. Every minute you spend away from the grief...like a little emotional vacation...is a minute you are closer to healing. The third tool is to surround yourself with people who love you. Every human being has a deep seeded need to be loved, and seeking the company of those that love us will help us to bridge the gap between pain and healing.

There are a lot if emotions between grief and happiness. If you can get yourself from grief to sad, maybe through laughter or keeping busy, you've accomplished something major. Try to notice when you've accomplished this so you know you can do it. Knowing your own strength will help you on the days that are harder. From sad you can get to something else, maybe disappointed. Work your way up the emotional scale, but don't expect to stay there at first. Be easy on yourself and don't expect miracles. Try to control your thoughts. When you feel yourself falling into depression, find something else to think about. Something completely random...stay away from thoughts about the cause of your grief until you are in a stronger emotional place. Give yourself the time you need to heal.

Now, I know that I'm not saying anything new here. You've heard it all before, but I've found that sometimes it just takes a little reminder. Time really does heal all wounds.

Things I know: Focus

Things I know: Focus: The other day I woke up feeling a little achy, with a fever, stuffy head and runny nose. I skipped the gym, dressed for warmth and comfort,...

Focus

The other day I woke up feeling a little achy, with a fever, stuffy head and runny nose. I skipped the gym, dressed for warmth and comfort, put minimal makeup on, barely styled my hair and went off to work. After a few hours, I cancelled my appointments for the rest of the day and went home to sleep. I just wasn't feeling good and was having trouble getting through my day. The next day, I woke up feeling the same, but I had appointments ahead of me that could not be changed...a whole day full! I went to the gym to "wake myself up", dressed with more style, did my makeup and hair and went off to work. I had no time to feel sorry for myself and got caught up in my busy day. Sometime in the afternoon, I realized I felt pretty good. Maybe not 100%, but certainly not sick. I realized that my attention to feeling sick only fed it and caused me to feel worse while my lack of attention to how I felt diminished it. Now I've posted quite a bit about controlling your thoughts in order to control your feelings, but this was an actual, physical manifestation.

Now you might say that I just got better by the afternoon of day two, but the truth is, I felt the same when I woke up on day three. I didn't get better, I just FELT better. I've always believed that controlling your thoughts is the key to a happier, healthier life, but in the way that controlling your thoughts helps to control your stress levels and negativity and in turn your health and happiness. What I realized the other day is that we can control, to some degree, how we feel physically. For me, it was distraction that drew my attention from how I felt physically. Now, I'm not saying that you should refrain from physically taking care of yourself, but I'm saying that once you do the activities needed for that care, you should focus your attention elsewhere.

Our mind is a powerful thing. The direction of our focus can make or break our day...our life, for that matter. Think of your mind's focus as a laser beam...careful where you point that thing! :-)

Things I know: Sunshine

Things I know: Sunshine: I was waiting outside for someone yesterday and the sun was shining brightly and felt warm on my face. Now, it's winter here in NJ right no...

Sunshine

I was waiting outside for someone yesterday and the sun was shining brightly and felt warm on my face. Now, it's winter here in NJ right now and it's been cold out. The warm heated inside is much more inviting than the cold windy outside. Most of us run from the car to wherever we are going and I have to admit I've been guilty of that myself this year. But being outside in the sun yesterday reminded me of how much I need the sun. Sunshine literally gives me joy when I stop to appreciate it. Being in sunlight calms me when I am anxious. And lets face it, a sunny day just makes us feel good.

Now, I didn't want to post anything here that would be harmful, and I know the sun can cause harm, so I did a little research. According to the National Institute of Health, the benefits of the sun come from Vitamin D, which is vital to your health in a whole host of ways. However, as long as you protect your skin, the benefits of the sun far outweigh any negatives. But I am not a very scientific gal, and none of my (very minimal) research even mentioned the benefits that I think are the most important...the sun's effects on my mood!

I am always aware of my mood and how I feel...and what is contributing to it. In order to live a fulfilling life, I strive to be happy and positive much of the time. I am keenly aware of what external forces can contribute to an improvement in my mood. I've talked to you about music, laughter, meditation, smiling to name a few...and now the sun. When you think about it, the sun is usually associated with fun activities...the beach, sports, picnics...on and on. But I am suggesting a daily dose of sun...ten minutes or so, every day that the sun is out. Even more when you are stressed or feeling down. I think you'll find, as I did, that the very act of appreciating the sun has a profound effect on your mood. A benefit that goes way beyond the Vitamin D!

Enjoy!

Things I know: Have Fun!

Things I know: Have Fun!: What do you like to do for fun? When I think about times when I was having fun, I realize that many were not planned. Many were not times ...

Have Fun!

What do you like to do for fun? When I think about times when I was having fun, I realize that many were not planned. Many were not times and places where you would expect to have fun, and yet, my memories of these times are happy times when I had fun. I remember being in a supermarket with my daughter and laughing so hard that the other shoppers thought we were crazy. Another time I was on line at the DMV and started talking with the other people on line around me. Our conversation was so much fun I felt like hugging these strangers goodbye when my turn finally came up. A meeting at the end of the day when everyone seemed to be just a little bit punchy. A quiet meal that turned into a rowdy laugh fest...a long ride that turned into a sing-a-long...a phone conversation with my son that had us both laughing to tears...the list goes on and on.

When I think about it, there is fun to be had in almost every situation. Sometimes a good book, listening to music, working on a project, at the gym, a quiet walk....alone or with others. So my challenge to myself these past few weeks has been to find the fun. It's like the old Where's Waldo books...the fun is there, I just have to find it. Sometimes it's easier than others, but if I trust its there, I'll be able to find it. Life has been a little challenging lately but the more I look for the fun, the easier it is to find. The more I look for fun, the easier the challenges are to deal with.

So today my post is short and sweet...look for the fun in everything you do. Make it a priority...life is so much more enjoyable when sprinkled with fun.