Things I know: Rule #4: Do the Right Thing

Things I know: Rule #4: Do the Right Thing: I once heard a quote that said "Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking". That's so true, isn't it?  We ...

Rule #4: Do the Right Thing

I once heard a quote that said "Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking". That's so true, isn't it?  We always know what the right thing is, don't we?  There's a little voice...conscience... something telling us what's right and what's wrong.  In order to live a happy life, we have to be happy with the person we are, and that means being a person of integrity.  Being able to look ourselves in the mirror and like what we see...with the full understanding that what's right for us may not be what's right for someone else...but with the acceptance of both.  

Over this past year, this rule has expanded for me.  I have come to recognize a difference between conscience and intuition.  So this rule now has two parts.  The first part is doing the right thing as a moral decision as I've just discussed, in which case you would be listening to your conscience.  The second part, as I've come to see it is more of a personal "right" thing, in which case you would be listening to your intuition.  Over the past year, I have been focusing on hearing that little voice that I have been ignoring for so long...my intuition.  This has been revolutionary for me!  As with your conscience, the more you focus on hearing your intuition, the stronger it becomes.  Developing your intuition is fun!  This holiday season alone I have avoided traffic jams, found just the right store to get just the right gift, found money on the ground, ran into the right person who gave me the perfect idea, arrived just before crowds and more great parking spaces to list here.

There is no secret weapon to developing either your conscience or intuition, except practice.  Think of them like muscles...the more you use them, the stronger they become.  There is no down side to this...follow your inner voices and always do the right thing!  You'll thank me later...

Things I know: Rule #3: Don't Hold a Grudge

Things I know: Rule #3: Don't Hold a Grudge: I suppose this rule can also be called Forgive...because that's what holding a grudge is all about, isn't it?  Until we forgive, we ...

Rule #3: Don't Hold a Grudge

I suppose this rule can also be called Forgive...because that's what holding a grudge is all about, isn't it?  Until we forgive, we can't move on.  We become stuck in the same place forever.  As with all these rules, forgiveness...not holding a grudge...is really a selfish act.  It's about allowing ourself the freedom to move forward.  Holding on to the infraction does much more harm to ourself than to the other person.  So why is it so hard?  I think it's because forgiveness is often mistaken for condoning. Forgiveness doesn't mean the infraction is okay, it means the infraction is over.  Learning to forgive is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself.  It's liberating, freeing, empowering. 

Often, the grudge takes on a life of its own.  Have you ever had the experience, or known someone who lost years to a grudge over a minor infraction?  Lives can be changed by forgiveness!  Especially yours!  The earlier you forgive, the easier it is, but it's never too late.  It's not even important for the other party to accept your forgiveness...it's only important for you to let go.  Imagine how much happier your life will be when you forgive and let go of the grudges that hold you back!  Forgive early and often...you owe it to yourself.  Live happy!

Things I know: Rule #2: Always Be Kind

Things I know: Rule #2: Always Be Kind: It seems silly to even make this a rule...of course we should always be kind...but remember, I wrote these rules for myself...to guide mysel...

Rule #2: Always Be Kind

It seems silly to even make this a rule...of course we should always be kind...but remember, I wrote these rules for myself...to guide myself on how I should live my life.  Being kind is of the utmost importance to me.  Being kind means making a difference in the lives of others, it means being a caring  person, it means feeling good about myself.  Kindness makes every situation just a little bit better.

Think of a time when you had a kindness bestowed on you...the other day, I was at the supermarket and a man was dressed like Santa walking around the store handing out $10 gift certificates to the store.  I figured it was a promotion of some sort, until he made his way to me.  He explained that he was commitimg random acts of kindness in the name of a fallen fellow police officer and would I be so kind as to "pay it forward". This touched my heart...what better way to honor a friend?  In every interaction we have with others, every single day, we have the opportunity to be kind or unkind.  Imagine if every time we interacted with others, that person would "pay it forward"...if we snap at someone, that person snaps at another...if we smile at someone, that person smiles at another...if we treat someone with kindness, that person is kind to another...get the picture?  It's like a drop of water in a still pond...the ripples are endless.  What ripples do you want to create?

I choose to live life kindly...I've been told that people will walk all over me because I'm too nice, I've been told that I won't get far in life by being Mr. Nice Guy... Well I contend the exact opposite, and I encourage you to see for yourself.  In fact, I believe it is kindness behind much of my success, certainly my success with my interactions with people.  I have found that people WANT to help me...they WANT me to succeed and all because I am kind to them.  Which leads me to my last point, being kind is ultimately a selfish act...it feels really good, people are kind back, people will help you and your world becomes a brighter place...frankly, it's addicting...and a habit I gladly succumb to!

Things I know: Rule #1: I Am Responsible

Things I know: Rule #1: I Am Responsible: For those of you new to this blog, some 30 years ago, I wrote down 25 rules that I live my life by.  Last year, I started writing down my th...

Rule #1: I Am Responsible

For those of you new to this blog, some 30 years ago, I wrote down 25 rules that I live my life by.  Last year, I started writing down my thoughts and views of these rules which became this Blog.  Today, I return to the rules...

Have you ever had the experience of starting out your day on the wrong foot and before you knew it, nearly everything that happened to you seemed to be conspiring against you?  Maybe you wake up in a bad mood and your family members are more than happy to add fuel to your fire...then the fellow drivers on the road to work contribute by cutting you off and driving recklessly...your co-workers are thoughtless, your boss is unreasonable, customers complain...most of us would say we had a bad day.  Now let's pretend for a moment that you wake up and find yourself thinking thoughts that will lead you to a bad mood, but you catch yourself.  You recognize that nothing good can come from this pattern of thought and because there is not much momentum behind them, you find something more pleasant to think about.  You choose the pleasant thoughts and let the momentum build.  The truth is, people will respond to the "vibes" you are projecting, so the behavior of your family, co-workers, boss will be softened, but even if all of their behaviors are exactly the same as on your "bad day"...how will your mood effect the outcome?  How will your mood change how these behaviors impact your day?  I contend that your attitude is far more impactful on your experience than the events and behaviors you encounter.  I am responsible for my attitude... I am responsible for my response to everything that happens to me.. and I am responsible for the course my day will take...period.  Controlling your attitude comes down to one thing...controlling your thoughts!

Now, I know that some of you are thinking that controlling your thoughts is easier said than done, and I agree.  The truth is, it's all about momentum.  Awareness is the first step to controlling your thoughts because our mind is going all the time...those thoughts you are thinking can build momentum before you even realize you are thinking them.  The key to awareness is how you feel.  Did you ever have the experience of suddenly feeling a sense of foreboding or fear or sadness and before you knew it you were filled with worry or melancholy?  Our mind has a built in warning system that our thoughts have wandered into dangerous territory and those feelings are the alarm.  Now, you won't be able to control every minute of every day, but how much more enjoyable will your life be if you learn to control even a portion of your thoughts?  Start each day, before you even get out of bed, thinking thoughts that make you feel good.  You won't be able to control the people and events that you encounter, but you will be in a better place to receive them!  

There is one other thing I would like to say.  Often, momentum has taken over before we realize it and we are stuck in a snowballing pattern of thought that we just can't get out of...what to do?  It is nearly impossible to change our thought pattern in these situations.  I have found that for me, the only thing I can do is to totally change direction.  I abandon the topic of my thoughts by replacing it...laughter works for me.  I have a smart phone and I have several apps that I use to immediately stop my snowballing thoughts. I like DamnYouAutocorrect  and The Ellen Show apps.  I call this Momentum Management. Some times take longer than others, but these apps will eventually make me laugh out loud.  Once I am back on neutral ground and the momentum of my negative thinking has been interrupted, I can take back control.  Laughter works for me, but you need to find what works for you. Take responsibility for controlling your thoughts and therefore your attitude and therefore your life...take responsibility and you take back your power!

Things I know: An update...

Things I know: An update...: I know I haven't blogged in a while and that's because I have been working on putting the original "Rules" in book form an...

An update...

I know I haven't blogged in a while and that's because I have been working on putting the original "Rules" in book form and I have come to the realization that although the Rules don't change...I have. I am in a different place than when I first blogged about the rules a year ago.  So I've come to a decision...I am going to blog the rules again.  My view, interpretation, description and explanation has evolved and so, I believe that even those of you who are with me since the beginning will not be disappointed... So keep an eye out, starting tomorrow I'll be back to the rules, with a fresh perspective and new outlook.  I'm so excited...I hope you enjoy it.