Things I know: Rule #8: Be Positive

Things I know: Rule #8: Be Positive: This rule can change your life!  Some people tell me it's one of the hardest, but trust me...master this and the rewards are endless.  I...

Rule #8: Be Positive

This rule can change your life!  Some people tell me it's one of the hardest, but trust me...master this and the rewards are endless.  It's simple enough to say, isn't it?  Be positive...stay positive...look at the bright side...two sides to every coin...I can go on forever about the positive side to every situation, but you already know that...we all do.  The problem is not our awareness that there is a more positive side to the situation...our problem is our lack of ability to focus on the positive side to the situation.  Think about it...we already know there is a bright side...we just can't see it through the dark side.  So, how do we find the bright side...how do we stay positive?

Well, first of all, we have to know what we're looking for. As with everything in my blog, I recommend you start small. Last August my car was hit by another car who pulled out of a driveway right into me.  The entire passenger side of my car was crushed.  I had to drive to Virginia Beach in two days on vacation and, oh, by the way, my car was only a few months old.  Stinks, right?  I probably used different words, but you get the picture.  So where is the bright side?  Let's think about it...  First of all, of course, no one was hurt. Start there... I called my insurance company from the scene and they were pleasant and proficient. So far, that's two things positive.  I won't bore you with all the details, but the end result was my insurance company arranged for a rental car while mine got fixed, so instead of putting all those vacation miles on MY new car, I put them on a rental!  Now I can focus my thoughts on the fact that my new car was crushed on one side, will never be the same, blah, blah, blah...or I can focus my thoughts on how well they fixed it, looks like nothing ever happened, has hundreds of less miles than it would have, everyone is unharmed... 

So how do we change our focus?  Well, as with everything else, our thoughts control our focus.  What we are thinking about the situation will control how we feel about it.  Now we've all heard the usual things to do...take a deep breath, count to ten, close our eyes...and this is good advise because the key is to stop the momentum, stop the snowballing of negative thoughts...but it's been my experience that these actions are often insufficient.   I've found that I can count to ten and still be thinking those negative thoughts. The problem is, we can count to ten without thinking about it, so you need to find something that you have to think about in order to do it.  Try counting backwards from 20.  If that's too easy for you, try saying the alphabet backwards.  Take several deep breaths, counting on the in breath and make the out breath the same count.  The point is, you have to stop the momentum of the negative thoughts before you can even see the positive side to the situation.  Once found, expand your thoughts on the bright side...start the momentum in that direction.  Try this with the small stuff.  Get into the habit of controlling your thoughts on the everyday annoyances and you will be well equipped when the bigger things come along.

Before I close, I want to say something about worry.  Worry is the destroyer of your now.  Worry is like praying for what you don't want to happen.  Worry tends to creep up on us, we find ourselves in the throughs of worry before we even realize we've been thinking negatively...so here's a trick.  Pay close attention to how you feel.  Our mind gives off a warning sign, a silent alarm of sorts...before the worry and negative thinking has a chance to build momentum, we will feel a sense of foreboding, maybe sadness.  When you get into the habit of paying attention to your feelings, you will start to notice them early on and be able to take steps to control your thoughts.  This is simple stuff that can take a lifetime to master, but your existence will be better the very minute you start.  Living positive changes everything!

Things I know: Rule #7: Say I Love You

Things I know: Rule #7: Say I Love You: This is probably one of the most important rules when it comes to personal relationships and yet there is so little to say about it.  The fa...

Rule #7: Say I Love You

This is probably one of the most important rules when it comes to personal relationships and yet there is so little to say about it.  The fact is, no matter what the relationship...lover, parent, friend, sibling...the use of the phrase "I love you" cannot be underestimated.  Make it genuine, say it often, let your actions punctuate and your personal relationships will benefit.

A friend was telling me a story yesterday about a memorial service she went to at which the daughter of the deceased hadn't spoken to her father in many years.  The daughter was distraught at the service, sobbing uncontrollably, but it was too late. We all know we should express our love but all too often, we leave it for a later time.  Someday will be too late.

So say "I Love You" whenever you can, say it from your heart and let your actions reflect that love...simple as that.

Things I know: Rule #6: Be Good to Yourself

Things I know: Rule #6: Be Good to Yourself: When I say "be good to yourself" what do you think of?  Most people think of exercise, eating right...maybe even special pampering...

Rule #6: Be Good to Yourself

When I say "be good to yourself" what do you think of?  Most people think of exercise, eating right...maybe even special pampering like a massage or pedicure... But I'm not a health expert, and although these things are extremely important, I want to talk about something most people don't think about...your self talk.  Let's start small...imagine you put down your cup of coffee on the counter a little too close to the edge and it falls to the floor, shattering the cup and spilling hot coffee all over you.  I'm sure your physical reaction would be to jump back, maybe vocalize a few choice words and probably grab something to clean yourself up with.  Your physical reaction is instinctive...take yourself out of the way and clean yourself up.  But what about the words in your head?  Do you call yourself names like stupid or idiot?  Most people would say yes...and to most people, that's a natural reaction, one you can't control...but how about afterwards?  I believe that negative self talk is a habit, and habits can be broken.  Now let's say someone else near to you did the same thing and you were splashed with the coffee and pieces of the cup...what would you say?  Would you say "that's okay, don't worry about it"?  Well why would you be kinder to someone else than you are to yourself?  You are the most important person in your life, and yet most of us are harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else.

Your thoughts control your attitude.  Practice control over your thoughts.  Form new habits.  Start small...when you find yourself talking negatively about yourself...find something good to say.   It won't happen over night, but eventually, you'll find your attitude improve...which will lead to a more positive outlook.  When people complement you, learn to say "thank you".  Complement your self...when you do something you wish you didn't, give yourself a pass...say "that's okay, I'll do better next time".  Practice makes perfect...be good to yourself...not all habits are bad ones!

Things I know: Rule #5: Smile

Things I know: Rule #5: Smile: I know a beauty secret that works EVERY time...no matter how old or young you are...no matter if you are a man or woman...no matter how much...

Rule #5: Smile

I know a beauty secret that works EVERY time...no matter how old or young you are...no matter if you are a man or woman...no matter how much sleep, how many wrinkles, how much makeup, whether your hair is done, no matter what you are wearing... The secret is to SMILE.  A smile will brighten the day of anyone you look upon.  A smile will release endorphins in your body that will make you feel good.  A smile will reduce tension, stress and negative feelings...not only in you but in those around you.  To prove my point, for the first time ever, I am using a picture of myself with this blog post...a picture with no makeup, bags under my eyes, hair a mess...only a genuine smile.

Those of you, my readers, who know me personally, know that I take this rule very seriously.  It is very rare to find me without a smile.  So here's what I found...a smile diffuses tension, relieves stress, shortens arguments, increases joy and just feels so good.  Smiles are contagious. If you want the world around you to be a brighter place...smile.  Those around you will smile in return and from there the possibilities are endless.  So here's the trick...make it a habit to smile.  The more you smile, the better you'll look, the better you'll feel, the more appealing the world around you will be.  It's as simple as that.  So next time you see someone without a smile...give him one of yours! (Corny, I know, but perfect😊)