Let me ask you a question...What if you had everything you ever wanted? What if you lived in the house that was perfect for you, had plenty of money, ate only the foods you love, interacted with only people who behaved the way you wanted them to, drove the perfect car, only did things that were pleasing to you, had the perfect mate? Sounds good, right? But how long would that be satisfying to you? How long before you became bored? How long before you started wanting something different...something more? See, I believe it's the wanting that keeps us growing. It's the lack that stimulates the want. How would you even know what you wanted without the lack of it?
Think about a time when you achieved something that was important to you. Maybe you accomplished something in your job, or you ran a marathon, or maybe you made something...would the result have been satisfying without the effort it took to achieve? Would you be proud of yourself if there was no effort? Of course not! You see, it's the contrast of the effort to the achievement, the contrast of the wanting to the having, the contrast of the discomfort to the satisfaction that makes life so sweet. The contrast, the want is necessary for fulfillment.
Many times we seem to get stuck in the contrast....complaining, wallowing in the discomfort, railing against the unwanted....unable to move forward. The truth is, if we could find a way to appreciate the contrast, we can move past it. If you wanted to run a marathon, you can't just complain about being out of shape...you have to train, prepare, work at it...without that effort, running the marathon would not be satisfying at all! So my secret for today is learn to embrace the contrast, embrace the want...appreciate the journey....it's what life is about!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Take Good Care...
On an airplane, they teach you that in case of an emergency, you must put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. I was on an airplane recently and this got me thinking...that's kinda how it is in life, isn't it? We really need to take care of ourselves before we can be of any benefit to anyone else. This is true physically, spiritually and emotionally. Years ago, when my husband was in the hospital, I would go to the hospital very early in the morning and stay very late at night. I wasn't sleeping or eating properly. After only a few days of this, I passed out in the hospital corridor with low blood sugar. Of course, it is common sense to make sure you eat and sleep, but I use this example because it is so obvious. Caring for yourself emotionally and spiritually is much more subtle, but just as important. How can you help someone else through emotional turmoil if you are not emotionally strong yourself?
So I guess this post is short and sweet, but oh so important! Take good care of yourself, in all aspects of your life...be a little selfish, take time for just you. Read, meditate, go to the spa, listen to music, walk in the park...take the time! If you don't, you won't be of any good to anyone.
So I guess this post is short and sweet, but oh so important! Take good care of yourself, in all aspects of your life...be a little selfish, take time for just you. Read, meditate, go to the spa, listen to music, walk in the park...take the time! If you don't, you won't be of any good to anyone.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The Power of Now
Most mornings, I am fortunate enough to see the sunrise. Some days are more beautiful and colorful than others, but all have an inspiring quality that stops me in my tracks...even if only for a moment. Most people will stop for a moment and notice the sunrise. Imagine if we did that with everything...
I think a lot about our Now...Now is the only time that we really have any control over. The past is done and cannot be changed, the future is unknown and yet to be determined, but our Now holds all of our power! Take the time to notice what is going on right now...
Has this ever happened to you?...The other day I was driving to an appointment at a place I am familiar with. When I got to about a mile away, I realized that I didn't remember driving the last six or so miles. I had absolutely no recollection of driving that stretch of my trip! I was perfectly safe, I knew I drove well, I just didn't remember the actual drive. The funny thing is, I remembered perfectly what I was thinking about! How many times do we lose our Now to thoughts of our past or future? There are a lot of things that rob us of our now, but the two that come to mind that are the most harmful are worry and regret. Worry will never prevent anything! Worry is wasted time and emotion. We can prepare, but once that is done, we can do nothing more. Even our preparation will not guarantee an outcome, but our preparation is done in our Now. Regret holds us back in a negative past and prevents us from living in our Now. We can do nothing to change the past, what is done, what was said, whatever happened happened and cannot be changed. We can make amends...in our Now...but can do nothing to change the past. All of our action, all of our ability, all of our power is in our NOW!
So next time you find something robbing you of your Now, find what you can do right then and there, to move away from those feelings and take back your power...take back your Now!
I think a lot about our Now...Now is the only time that we really have any control over. The past is done and cannot be changed, the future is unknown and yet to be determined, but our Now holds all of our power! Take the time to notice what is going on right now...
Has this ever happened to you?...The other day I was driving to an appointment at a place I am familiar with. When I got to about a mile away, I realized that I didn't remember driving the last six or so miles. I had absolutely no recollection of driving that stretch of my trip! I was perfectly safe, I knew I drove well, I just didn't remember the actual drive. The funny thing is, I remembered perfectly what I was thinking about! How many times do we lose our Now to thoughts of our past or future? There are a lot of things that rob us of our now, but the two that come to mind that are the most harmful are worry and regret. Worry will never prevent anything! Worry is wasted time and emotion. We can prepare, but once that is done, we can do nothing more. Even our preparation will not guarantee an outcome, but our preparation is done in our Now. Regret holds us back in a negative past and prevents us from living in our Now. We can do nothing to change the past, what is done, what was said, whatever happened happened and cannot be changed. We can make amends...in our Now...but can do nothing to change the past. All of our action, all of our ability, all of our power is in our NOW!
So next time you find something robbing you of your Now, find what you can do right then and there, to move away from those feelings and take back your power...take back your Now!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Mind your own business...
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend who was so angry and practically in tears because she found out someone else in her company made more money than her. Now, I don't work for that company and don't know the details, but I do know that my friend was torturing herself. I saw an interview on the news with a man that was protesting outside a building. At one point, another man started shouting at him and a fight ensued. Throughout history, countries have attacked other countries for being a different religion. Now, I'm all for healthy competition and for having convictions, but if you've been reading this blog at all you know there is one common thread throughout...self preservation while brightening the world around you. When you concern yourself with the business of others...you are hurting yourself.
Now my friend was perfectly happy with her job before she found out about the discrepancy in her pay. The protestors and even the countries have convictions that sustain them. Our opinions, our convictions, our beliefs all give us life, make us interested...and interesting! There is nothing wrong with competition... It's the comparison that trips us up. There's nothing wrong with convictions and beliefs... It's the intolerance that hurts us. Maybe my friend deserves to be making more money, but her life, her happiness and contentment with her job is diminished all because she discovered a piece of information that was out there all the while, and quite frankly, none of her business. Our beliefs give us purpose until we try to force those beliefs on others. We are better served when we look to the world around us with tolerance and without comparison. Our life will be healthier, more peaceful, happier, brighter...and so will the lives around us.
Now my friend was perfectly happy with her job before she found out about the discrepancy in her pay. The protestors and even the countries have convictions that sustain them. Our opinions, our convictions, our beliefs all give us life, make us interested...and interesting! There is nothing wrong with competition... It's the comparison that trips us up. There's nothing wrong with convictions and beliefs... It's the intolerance that hurts us. Maybe my friend deserves to be making more money, but her life, her happiness and contentment with her job is diminished all because she discovered a piece of information that was out there all the while, and quite frankly, none of her business. Our beliefs give us purpose until we try to force those beliefs on others. We are better served when we look to the world around us with tolerance and without comparison. Our life will be healthier, more peaceful, happier, brighter...and so will the lives around us.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Memories
You know what I love about memories? They're like little "do it yourself" mood kits. I have a memory for every mood I've ever had, every feeling I've ever felt. Our memories trigger feelings. I've talked so much about controlling your thoughts in this blog, but never really talked about the importance of memories in that process. The beauty of memories is they are already complete. It's not like a day dream that you are making up as you go along. Used correctly, memories are the best weapons we have in the battle to control our thoughts.
Most of us observe our memories as they float in and out of our observation of them. Maybe something we see, something that is said or done triggers a memory...good or bad. We observe that memory and our mood alters accordingly. All of us has had the experience of stumbling upon a memory that changed how we felt for the rest of the day. That's a lot of power, isn't it? Well in my book, anything with that much power is worth controlling!
So how do we take control of our memories? I think it's easier said than done, at least at first because we are so accustomed to letting our memories control us. The obvious answer is to think about a happy memory to trigger a happy mood, but if you are in the middle of a negative thought pattern, it's going to be an uphill battle. I suggest you plan ahead. Keep an arsenal of positive memories at your disposal. Keep a list, collect pictures, whatever you need to do to be able to access those memories whenever you need to. I have to tell you, it is not easy to recall happy memories when in a negative place, so I would not rely on your memory alone. I have albums of pictures on my iPad that were compiled strictly to trigger happy memories. I write down happy memories in a journal as they happen or occur to me for easy access. Find what works for you...feel free to share it with me...I'm always looking for ways to help to recall happy memories.
This business of being happy is a lot of work, isn't it? Well worth it, though.
Enjoy!
Most of us observe our memories as they float in and out of our observation of them. Maybe something we see, something that is said or done triggers a memory...good or bad. We observe that memory and our mood alters accordingly. All of us has had the experience of stumbling upon a memory that changed how we felt for the rest of the day. That's a lot of power, isn't it? Well in my book, anything with that much power is worth controlling!
So how do we take control of our memories? I think it's easier said than done, at least at first because we are so accustomed to letting our memories control us. The obvious answer is to think about a happy memory to trigger a happy mood, but if you are in the middle of a negative thought pattern, it's going to be an uphill battle. I suggest you plan ahead. Keep an arsenal of positive memories at your disposal. Keep a list, collect pictures, whatever you need to do to be able to access those memories whenever you need to. I have to tell you, it is not easy to recall happy memories when in a negative place, so I would not rely on your memory alone. I have albums of pictures on my iPad that were compiled strictly to trigger happy memories. I write down happy memories in a journal as they happen or occur to me for easy access. Find what works for you...feel free to share it with me...I'm always looking for ways to help to recall happy memories.
This business of being happy is a lot of work, isn't it? Well worth it, though.
Enjoy!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Rule #25
Well, we've come to the end of the rules, but not the end of this blog. I'll be back tomorrow or the next day....I have so much more I want to say to you, so I hope you'll be back, too.
This is the rule I am most likely not to follow... Rule #25 is MAKE PEACE WITH WHERE YOU ARE. Now making peace and being satisfied are two different things. I believe, in order to move on we have to accept where we are. I know how difficult that can be, I have trouble myself. Imagine you are in a situation you want to change, let's say a job. Most people will complain, involve others in their justification of their dissatisfaction, maybe get depressed, certainly be sad...in short, feeling very negative. So you set out on a new job search from a negative place. You may find a job, but you take your negative self with you. The new job's negative aspects will jump out at you in no time at all because that's the place you are starting from. I propose that you can't really move on until you come to terms with where you are. Back to the job...maybe you don't like your job, but you like your coworkers or customers, maybe it's a nice physical environment. Make peace. Ask yourself...are you running from something unwanted, or towards something wanted? Small distinction with a huge difference in attitude. When we are running from, we may take the first job that comes along, or the first relationship, or anything. When we make peace, find the things about the unwanted situation that we can appreciate, we can see clearly what is best for us. Remember Rule #3, don't hold a grudge? Well this is similar...making peace is not approval in the way that forgiveness is not condoning. Once your mind is free of the negative thoughts and emotions, you will be able to see clearly what actions you need to take.
I know you are thinking, well if I just wasn't in this place (job, relationship, living situation...) I would be happy. I understand, but we all take our baggage with us wherever we go. If our suitcase is full of discontent, we will be looking at all situations, including our new one, with those eyes. The discontent will continue to surface, no matter where you are, until you make peace. This is why rebound relationships rarely work...there is too much residual emotion brought to the table.
So how do you make peace with an unwanted situation? Control your thoughts, of course! Like so many of these rules, when you learn to control your thoughts, you control your destiny!
Thank you!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Rule #22 - EXPECT THE BEST
Rule #23 - GO WITH THE FLOW
Rule #24 - ALWAYS BE IMPROVING
Rule #25 - MAKE PEACE WITH WHERE YOU ARE
This is the rule I am most likely not to follow... Rule #25 is MAKE PEACE WITH WHERE YOU ARE. Now making peace and being satisfied are two different things. I believe, in order to move on we have to accept where we are. I know how difficult that can be, I have trouble myself. Imagine you are in a situation you want to change, let's say a job. Most people will complain, involve others in their justification of their dissatisfaction, maybe get depressed, certainly be sad...in short, feeling very negative. So you set out on a new job search from a negative place. You may find a job, but you take your negative self with you. The new job's negative aspects will jump out at you in no time at all because that's the place you are starting from. I propose that you can't really move on until you come to terms with where you are. Back to the job...maybe you don't like your job, but you like your coworkers or customers, maybe it's a nice physical environment. Make peace. Ask yourself...are you running from something unwanted, or towards something wanted? Small distinction with a huge difference in attitude. When we are running from, we may take the first job that comes along, or the first relationship, or anything. When we make peace, find the things about the unwanted situation that we can appreciate, we can see clearly what is best for us. Remember Rule #3, don't hold a grudge? Well this is similar...making peace is not approval in the way that forgiveness is not condoning. Once your mind is free of the negative thoughts and emotions, you will be able to see clearly what actions you need to take.
I know you are thinking, well if I just wasn't in this place (job, relationship, living situation...) I would be happy. I understand, but we all take our baggage with us wherever we go. If our suitcase is full of discontent, we will be looking at all situations, including our new one, with those eyes. The discontent will continue to surface, no matter where you are, until you make peace. This is why rebound relationships rarely work...there is too much residual emotion brought to the table.
So how do you make peace with an unwanted situation? Control your thoughts, of course! Like so many of these rules, when you learn to control your thoughts, you control your destiny!
Thank you!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Rule #22 - EXPECT THE BEST
Rule #23 - GO WITH THE FLOW
Rule #24 - ALWAYS BE IMPROVING
Rule #25 - MAKE PEACE WITH WHERE YOU ARE
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Rule #24
This is a tricky rule to talk about. I've had a lot of trouble putting this into words. Rule #24 is ALWAYS BE IMPROVING. I know that sounds simple, but it's a little slippery. It's hard to keep this rule from being about inadequacies. It's hard to keep this rule from sounding like "good job, but...". I want to be clear on what this rule is NOT, before I talk about what this rule IS. This rule is not about being a perfectionist, not about looking for lack. This rule is about expanding who we are. This rule is about personal growth. This rule is about becoming more.
Maybe it's the name of this rule that makes it hard for me to put into words, I find it hard to convey what I want to say. There is always something to strive for in life. When we become stagnant, we become dissatisfied. I have changed careers several times in my life...many people do. I think it's human nature to look for something more. I think that's an excellent thing...the pursuit of happiness. We can always be more, do more, have more and the pursuit of that is what keeps us alive. Again I run into that slippery area...I'm not taking about greed. Our personal growth should never be at the expense of someone else. I'm talking about constantly looking for more to learn about our passions and interests. I'm talking about not being satisfied with good enough unless good enough is what you are looking for. There is always something new and exciting to explore.
More than 30 years ago I started a journey of personal growth. It was then that I started writing down these rules. Through the years, these rules have evolved, changed, been added to until they felt just right. For me, writing this blog, sharing these rules, is the next step in the evolution of me. The very act of expanding on the rules has clarified them for me. Always improving.
I've struggled with putting this rule into words, but I guess it is simply about always striving for growth. It is not the destination but the journey. Growth is what life is about!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Rule #22 - EXPECT THE BEST
Rule #23 - GO WITH THE FLOW
Rule #24 - ALWAYS BE IMPROVING
Maybe it's the name of this rule that makes it hard for me to put into words, I find it hard to convey what I want to say. There is always something to strive for in life. When we become stagnant, we become dissatisfied. I have changed careers several times in my life...many people do. I think it's human nature to look for something more. I think that's an excellent thing...the pursuit of happiness. We can always be more, do more, have more and the pursuit of that is what keeps us alive. Again I run into that slippery area...I'm not taking about greed. Our personal growth should never be at the expense of someone else. I'm talking about constantly looking for more to learn about our passions and interests. I'm talking about not being satisfied with good enough unless good enough is what you are looking for. There is always something new and exciting to explore.
More than 30 years ago I started a journey of personal growth. It was then that I started writing down these rules. Through the years, these rules have evolved, changed, been added to until they felt just right. For me, writing this blog, sharing these rules, is the next step in the evolution of me. The very act of expanding on the rules has clarified them for me. Always improving.
I've struggled with putting this rule into words, but I guess it is simply about always striving for growth. It is not the destination but the journey. Growth is what life is about!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Rule #22 - EXPECT THE BEST
Rule #23 - GO WITH THE FLOW
Rule #24 - ALWAYS BE IMPROVING
Rule #23
Remember your first day of high school? Walking into that big building, so many strange kids, most of whom you didn't know. Your middle school seemed so small, compared to this. Well, chances are, things turned out just fine, didn't they? Rule #23 is GO WITH THE FLOW. This rule is about accepting change. Change is a fact of life, there is no getting away from it, so we might as well go with the flow. Think about that phrase...go with the flow...like water going down stream, flowing easily with little resistance. Sure there are changes we don't like, but change is always moving and is going to happen, so you might as well go with the flow. Now, I'm not saying you should be passive and just accept everything that happens...I'm saying that change is inevitable and if you try to stand stubbornly where you are you will be knocked over.
This is not a rule about being taken advantage of or blindly following the pack. This is a rule about self preservation. Take a new boss, for example. If you are unhappy with this change you have choices...you can stay and learn to adapt to the new work environment, you can leave and get a new job or you can rail against it by complaining or just stewing inside. Which of these scenarios are harmful to your health? No matter what, the change is going to happen. Adapt or move on...self preservation.
Years ago, when cell phones were becoming common place, I rebelled against getting one. I told myself I didn't want to be THAT available. I wrestled with this for months. I was in sales and it was really a self destructive stand I was taking. Of course, I did get a cell phone...I can't imagine life without one, now...but my point is, I caused myself unnecessary struggle. I never had a chance in winning that battle! Once you learn to go with the flow...adapt or move on...you will be able to see change for what it really is.....growth. And growth is a beautiful thing!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Rule #22 - EXPECT THE BEST
Rule #23 - GO WITH THE FLOW
This is not a rule about being taken advantage of or blindly following the pack. This is a rule about self preservation. Take a new boss, for example. If you are unhappy with this change you have choices...you can stay and learn to adapt to the new work environment, you can leave and get a new job or you can rail against it by complaining or just stewing inside. Which of these scenarios are harmful to your health? No matter what, the change is going to happen. Adapt or move on...self preservation.
Years ago, when cell phones were becoming common place, I rebelled against getting one. I told myself I didn't want to be THAT available. I wrestled with this for months. I was in sales and it was really a self destructive stand I was taking. Of course, I did get a cell phone...I can't imagine life without one, now...but my point is, I caused myself unnecessary struggle. I never had a chance in winning that battle! Once you learn to go with the flow...adapt or move on...you will be able to see change for what it really is.....growth. And growth is a beautiful thing!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Rule #22 - EXPECT THE BEST
Rule #23 - GO WITH THE FLOW
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Rule #22
The week or two before I go away on vacation I start to get excited. I start putting things I need to pack on the side, start picking up things at the store, I talk about it to anyone who will listen, I start to listen to music that reminds me of my destination...I am getting ready for a great vacation. Rule #22 is EXPECT THE BEST. I believe that you get what you expect, so why not expect the best? I find that when I expect things to go well, they are more likely to do so. I often like to day dream about how things will turn out. Lets get back to that vacation...it's easy to imagine sitting in a lounge chair next to the pool or on the beach, hearing the ocean and the sea gulls, smelling suntan lotion...setting expectations for a great vacation. I've been hit by a hurricane on vacation and still had a blast. But what about every day events? How about a job interview or a presentation at work? Well I find that setting expectations of things going well gives me an advantage. I go into the situation feeling positive, upbeat, less stressed, free to focus on a good outcome. Now, even if things go less than perfect, I am more likely to roll with the punches because I am starting from a more positive place mentally and emotionally. Back to that vacation...lets say I heard there was a hurricane expected. If my expectations were different, I may have been worried, stressed, maybe even cancelled my vacation all together. Instead, I was able to have a unique experience including huge hurricane lobby parties with all the guests at the resort, swimming in the rain and so much more. My expectations paved the way for a great vacation, no matter what Mother Nature threw my way.
An expectation puts us on alert for what we will find. Our subconscious will look to prove us right and fill those expectations. It is human nature....so why not look for the best to happen? So here's my motto...Expect the best, accept the rest!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Rule #22 - EXPECT THE BEST
An expectation puts us on alert for what we will find. Our subconscious will look to prove us right and fill those expectations. It is human nature....so why not look for the best to happen? So here's my motto...Expect the best, accept the rest!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Rule #22 - EXPECT THE BEST
Monday, January 14, 2013
Rule #21
How would you like to have more satisfying work and personal relationships? More peaceful environments? Well there is a small act, that when done correctly, will not only change your environment, but will make you feel good in the process. Rule #21 is COMPLEMENT. Now, I know you may be thinking that something like complement is hardly worthy of its own rule, but I've found this very simple action to be very powerful. A complement sets the tone for the rest of the conversation or interaction. It is usually unexpected and makes the recipient feel good. The unexpected perk is how the reaction of people you complement will make you feel.
Now I used the phase "when done correctly" because it is very easy to have a complement fall flat if not genuine. Have you ever had the experience of walking into an establishment and a salesperson comes up to you and throws a complement at you that you just know is false? It becomes counter productive, right? Causes you to distrust the person. Now imagine that same establishment, the salesperson comes up to you, you exchange some pleasantries and the salesperson complements you and you can tell he/she means it. You now feel comfortable, much more trusting and probably more likely to use that person's services. Same goes for your social and personal relationships. You are more likely to trust a person who complements genuinely.
You can always find something to complement someone on. There is always something you will find appealing, inspiring, entertaining about the person you are with. Don't force it, a reason to complement will surface and when it does, find the right moment. You will be amazed at the reaction. Genuine complements feel good, they just do...both to the receiver and to the giver. Be generous with your complements, you'll be rewarded with smiles...
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Now I used the phase "when done correctly" because it is very easy to have a complement fall flat if not genuine. Have you ever had the experience of walking into an establishment and a salesperson comes up to you and throws a complement at you that you just know is false? It becomes counter productive, right? Causes you to distrust the person. Now imagine that same establishment, the salesperson comes up to you, you exchange some pleasantries and the salesperson complements you and you can tell he/she means it. You now feel comfortable, much more trusting and probably more likely to use that person's services. Same goes for your social and personal relationships. You are more likely to trust a person who complements genuinely.
You can always find something to complement someone on. There is always something you will find appealing, inspiring, entertaining about the person you are with. Don't force it, a reason to complement will surface and when it does, find the right moment. You will be amazed at the reaction. Genuine complements feel good, they just do...both to the receiver and to the giver. Be generous with your complements, you'll be rewarded with smiles...
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Rule #21 - COMPLEMENT
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Rule #20
Throughout this blog I have talked about controlling your thoughts, but this is so important, it has its own rule. Rule #20 is CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS. Every day you make little decisions, sometimes without even realizing it. You choose how you are going to react to the events of your day. Your reaction is a direct result of your thoughts. Your feelings are a direct result of your thoughts. Your mood is a direct result of your thoughts. The level of your stress is a direct result of your thoughts. With so much riding on your thoughts, why would you let them run wild? I'm quite sure you've had the experience of getting mad about something and the more you thought about it the angrier you got. Your thoughts "snowballed" and what started out being something that angered you became something much more. Our thoughts help us justify why we have every right to be angry, don't they? But the truth is, we are only hurting ourselves. Our stress level goes up, our mood darkens, we feel bad...and sometimes the subject of our anger doesn't even know!
Try this: Remember a time, recently, that made you feel good. Close your eyes if you need to and focus on the memory. What was happening around you, what were you seeing, hearing, what smells were in the air? What were you wearing? Focus as best you can on the way you were feeling. If you truly focus, you will notice that you start to feel good, even though you are not actually living that moment, it is a memory, but you can recreate the feelings by thinking about it. I know this is hard at first...for some reason, we find it easier to reach for the negative feelings than the positive ones. I believe this is a habit. Habits can be changed. If we can get into the habit of allowing the happy, positive thoughts to "snowball", we can live a happier, positive life. It is near impossible, however, to jump from a negative spiral to a positive one. I find that if I can stop the negative spiral, I can start to feel better. It's almost like a ladder. If I can go from furious to angry, then I can go from angry to frustrated. From frustrated I can go to annoyed, and so on until I am not feeling so bad. If you do nothing else, stop the negative spiral.
I have found some tricks that help me to stop the negative snowballing of thoughts. Maybe you will find something else that works for you. I know that reading a good book works for many people, fiction works best. Watching a movie, preferably a comedy or at least something lighthearted. Listening to upbeat music that you really like. I often make lists of things I am grateful for. I listen to stand up routines by my favorite comedians. When I am really snowballing, and having a hard time controlling my thoughts I put my earphones on and listen to music, but in order to focus my mind and stop thinking, I listen to every word being sung. Your mind cannot focus on more than one thing at a time, so find something that you can focus on.
This will get easier with practice. It is very empowering once you learn to control your thoughts. Think about how much better your life will be! You can control your mood, your stress, your life! Imagine how much happier you will be!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Try this: Remember a time, recently, that made you feel good. Close your eyes if you need to and focus on the memory. What was happening around you, what were you seeing, hearing, what smells were in the air? What were you wearing? Focus as best you can on the way you were feeling. If you truly focus, you will notice that you start to feel good, even though you are not actually living that moment, it is a memory, but you can recreate the feelings by thinking about it. I know this is hard at first...for some reason, we find it easier to reach for the negative feelings than the positive ones. I believe this is a habit. Habits can be changed. If we can get into the habit of allowing the happy, positive thoughts to "snowball", we can live a happier, positive life. It is near impossible, however, to jump from a negative spiral to a positive one. I find that if I can stop the negative spiral, I can start to feel better. It's almost like a ladder. If I can go from furious to angry, then I can go from angry to frustrated. From frustrated I can go to annoyed, and so on until I am not feeling so bad. If you do nothing else, stop the negative spiral.
I have found some tricks that help me to stop the negative snowballing of thoughts. Maybe you will find something else that works for you. I know that reading a good book works for many people, fiction works best. Watching a movie, preferably a comedy or at least something lighthearted. Listening to upbeat music that you really like. I often make lists of things I am grateful for. I listen to stand up routines by my favorite comedians. When I am really snowballing, and having a hard time controlling my thoughts I put my earphones on and listen to music, but in order to focus my mind and stop thinking, I listen to every word being sung. Your mind cannot focus on more than one thing at a time, so find something that you can focus on.
This will get easier with practice. It is very empowering once you learn to control your thoughts. Think about how much better your life will be! You can control your mood, your stress, your life! Imagine how much happier you will be!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Rule #20 - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
Another blog interruption...
We are nearing the end of my rules so I thought I would take a moment to ask for your input. Writing this blog has been such a wonderful experience for me. Your feedback has been amazing. There are only six rules to go, but I want to share some of my musings and observations. As this is my first blog, I don't know the etiquette. Do I start a new blog or do I continue with this one? What would you like to hear about? Do you even want to hear more?
I would greatly appreciate anything you would like to share.
Thank you!
I would greatly appreciate anything you would like to share.
Thank you!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Rule #19
Have you ever had an unexplained bad feeling about something you were about to do and when you did it anyway it turned out to be a mistake? Rule #19 is TRUST YOUR GUT. I'm not talking about paranoia, or distrust. I'm not talking about fear...I'm talking about our instincts. And I'm not only talking about that gut feeling that tells us when what we are about to do may be a mistake. Much of the time our instincts are telling us when what we are about to do is the right thing, even though everyone else, or common practice may tell us otherwise. Our instincts give us guidance.
Sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference between instinct and fear or paranoia. Sometimes my instincts seem to go against common sense. Well, just like all of our gifts and talents, our instincts can be improved with practice. Try this: notice your gut feelings, pay attention to your instincts whether you follow them or not. When your instincts are correct, take note. Mentally keep a list (or even write it down, if so inclined). You will begin to build a trust in yourself and in your instincts. When you start to trust your instincts, they become stronger. Start with the little things...the more you use your instincts, the clearer they become. They become sharper. More regular. You have a built in guidance system...use it! Listen to that gut feeling, it's trying to tell you something :-)
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference between instinct and fear or paranoia. Sometimes my instincts seem to go against common sense. Well, just like all of our gifts and talents, our instincts can be improved with practice. Try this: notice your gut feelings, pay attention to your instincts whether you follow them or not. When your instincts are correct, take note. Mentally keep a list (or even write it down, if so inclined). You will begin to build a trust in yourself and in your instincts. When you start to trust your instincts, they become stronger. Start with the little things...the more you use your instincts, the clearer they become. They become sharper. More regular. You have a built in guidance system...use it! Listen to that gut feeling, it's trying to tell you something :-)
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #19 - TRUST YOUR GUT
Monday, January 7, 2013
Rule #15
Imagine how much less stress you would have in your life if you were always honest. Rule #15 is BE HONEST. Now I believe most people are honest most of the time. It seems to me that dishonesty is at its core, fear. Fear of punishment, fear of what other people will think, fear of hurting someone else's feelings, fear of consequences. In fact, many times our dishonesty is based in good intentions. Few people would say it is better to hurt someone's feelings than to tell them a white lie about how they look or whatever. The problem I struggle with is who determines which lies are white? When do they turn gray? I revert back to Rule #4...do the right thing. I believe we all know, deep down.
I have thought about this long and hard and I've come to the conclusion that honesty is the best policy. I am not comfortable determining a white lie from anything else. When Aunt Martha asks me how I like her new hat, that I find hideous, I may be tempted to tell a little white lie. But what if Aunt Martha was looking for an honest opinion? What if she was depending on me and my fashion sense? I've come to the conclusion that it is best for me to look for something I find likable. I may say something like "I like the way it brings out the blue in your eyes". If Aunt Martha presses further, I will tell the truth in as kind a manner as possible. My husband once told my grandmother that he loved her pork chops when in fact he found them dry....from that moment on, every time we visited my grandmother, she made my husband pork chops. :-)
Now for the bigger things.... It is always better to face your fears and to be honest. Lets look at it from a selfish perspective. You don't have to keep track of what you told to whom, you have no stress of your dishonesty being discovered, your integrity is in tact, your conscience is clear, you will sleep better, people will find you trustworthy, you will be in a better mood and people will respond to you in a more positive way. So the truth is, it is to YOUR benefit to be honest. Honesty truly is the best policy.
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
I have thought about this long and hard and I've come to the conclusion that honesty is the best policy. I am not comfortable determining a white lie from anything else. When Aunt Martha asks me how I like her new hat, that I find hideous, I may be tempted to tell a little white lie. But what if Aunt Martha was looking for an honest opinion? What if she was depending on me and my fashion sense? I've come to the conclusion that it is best for me to look for something I find likable. I may say something like "I like the way it brings out the blue in your eyes". If Aunt Martha presses further, I will tell the truth in as kind a manner as possible. My husband once told my grandmother that he loved her pork chops when in fact he found them dry....from that moment on, every time we visited my grandmother, she made my husband pork chops. :-)
Now for the bigger things.... It is always better to face your fears and to be honest. Lets look at it from a selfish perspective. You don't have to keep track of what you told to whom, you have no stress of your dishonesty being discovered, your integrity is in tact, your conscience is clear, you will sleep better, people will find you trustworthy, you will be in a better mood and people will respond to you in a more positive way. So the truth is, it is to YOUR benefit to be honest. Honesty truly is the best policy.
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #18
I sometimes get distracted. I get busy and try to do too many things at once. Sometimes I allow my mind to wander. Rule #18 is PAY ATTENTION. There are some days that I find this rule easy...on those days I feel sharp, on my game. Some days it takes more effort. On those days I feel clumsy and absent minded. Paying attention improves performance, memory and prevents mistakes. Good stuff!
But I want to talk to you about another aspect of paying attention. Almost like on another level. A deeper level. There is something I do well...I can read people. I do it automatically now, but I wasn't always like that. It's about focus. I focus my attention on the people I'm with. I listen to what they are saying, but even deeper than that I can feel their energy. Our mind likes to distract us, but when we make a conscious effort to focus, to pay attention to our surroundings, especially the people we are with, a whole new world opens up to us. It becomes a habit, and people respond in such a positive way you will be amazed! I guess deep down, we all like to have others pay attention to us, to listen to us, to hear us. When someone is focused on us, we feel good. We respond to that and give our attention back. I find that when I focus on others, I am rewarded with people focusing on me. I am rewarded with deeper human interactions. For me, paying attention has lead to a more rewarding life.
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
But I want to talk to you about another aspect of paying attention. Almost like on another level. A deeper level. There is something I do well...I can read people. I do it automatically now, but I wasn't always like that. It's about focus. I focus my attention on the people I'm with. I listen to what they are saying, but even deeper than that I can feel their energy. Our mind likes to distract us, but when we make a conscious effort to focus, to pay attention to our surroundings, especially the people we are with, a whole new world opens up to us. It becomes a habit, and people respond in such a positive way you will be amazed! I guess deep down, we all like to have others pay attention to us, to listen to us, to hear us. When someone is focused on us, we feel good. We respond to that and give our attention back. I find that when I focus on others, I am rewarded with people focusing on me. I am rewarded with deeper human interactions. For me, paying attention has lead to a more rewarding life.
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION
Rule #17
Have you ever met someone and knew instantly that they were being phony? Or on the flip side, have you ever met someone and knew right away that they were being genuine? Rule #17 is BE GENUINE. Being genuine means being yourself. No pretenses, no aires, just being yourself. I think people instinctively know when someone is not being true to who they are and it makes them feel uncomfortable when around them. I, for one, don't want to make people feel uncomfortable!
When you are genuine, people are more likely to trust you. You feel more confident, more self assured. Your relationships are stronger because they are based on truth. People are drawn to you and like to be around you. Every one of us has so much to offer and there is no need to pretend to be someone or something we're not. We all have our insecurities, but trying to mask or hide our perceived faults with a false persona becomes glaringly obvious to those around us. I think people feel it, no matter how good an actor you are.
The truth is, people like people to be themselves, and respond accordingly. Besides, keeping up appearances can be exhausting! Keep it real...just be yourself!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
When you are genuine, people are more likely to trust you. You feel more confident, more self assured. Your relationships are stronger because they are based on truth. People are drawn to you and like to be around you. Every one of us has so much to offer and there is no need to pretend to be someone or something we're not. We all have our insecurities, but trying to mask or hide our perceived faults with a false persona becomes glaringly obvious to those around us. I think people feel it, no matter how good an actor you are.
The truth is, people like people to be themselves, and respond accordingly. Besides, keeping up appearances can be exhausting! Keep it real...just be yourself!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #16
I have seen families torn apart, friendships end, marriages fail...all because no one would say they were sorry. Rule #16 is SAY I'M SORRY. The ability to admit when you are wrong and apologize is the benchmark of true character. I guess it's pride, but I've seen so much damage caused by people's refusal to say they were sorry.
Do you want to stop an argument? Immediately? Say you're sorry...it works every time. If you've made a mistake, if you've done something wrong, if you can admit it and apologize you will demonstrate a far superior personality trait than pride will ever be. Try it...you'll be amazed.
Saying you're sorry diffuses the situation and allows you to move on. An apology allows the healing process to begin. Without it, the tension, stress, anger is prolonged...it lives on and festers. An apology brings peace...two very powerful words...I'm sorry.
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Do you want to stop an argument? Immediately? Say you're sorry...it works every time. If you've made a mistake, if you've done something wrong, if you can admit it and apologize you will demonstrate a far superior personality trait than pride will ever be. Try it...you'll be amazed.
Saying you're sorry diffuses the situation and allows you to move on. An apology allows the healing process to begin. Without it, the tension, stress, anger is prolonged...it lives on and festers. An apology brings peace...two very powerful words...I'm sorry.
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Sunday, January 6, 2013
I interrupt this blog to bring you an important message...
I interrupt this blog to bring you an important message. These rules that I have been blogging are the rules I STRIVE to live by. It is important to note that no one can live every moment in the way they want to...in fact, there would be no satisfaction in that. Imagine a buffet with only your favorite foods. That may sound wonderful at first, but after a while the thrill would be gone. If there was never failure, success would not be so sweet. There is no personal growth without pain...we do not learn from our achievements, we learn from our mistakes. Without the contrast of the things we don't want, we wouldn't even notice the things we do want.
Be easy on yourself!
Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to tell me how you feel about this blog. Please share it if you feel so inclined. Your feedback is very important to me, both positive and negative.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Terri
Be easy on yourself!
Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to tell me how you feel about this blog. Please share it if you feel so inclined. Your feedback is very important to me, both positive and negative.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Terri
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Rule #14
Teddy Roosevelt said "Believe in yourself and you're half way there". Rule #14 is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I've heard athletes say its 90% mental, 10% skill. Success depends on belief...period! If you doubt yourself, no matter what you are doing, you will not succeed. I've seen this to be true time and time again...not only in my own life, but in the lives of others. We had a challenge in my company recently, and every one of my colleagues who said it couldn't be done didn't make it. It's uncanny, but without your belief, you won't accomplish what you set out to do.
So how do you believe in yourself? It's easy to say, right? Well when doubt creeps in for me, I start small. There are usually several steps to the success you are looking to accomplish. Lets say you want to run a marathon, but it seems insurmountable. Start small...I bet you can believe you can run a mile. Once you've mastered that, two miles will seem a lot more believable. The bigger picture is sometimes overwhelming but smaller snapshots are easier to believe in. The truth is, believing is more than half the battle. Think positive!
Now some people say if you don't get your hopes up, you won't be disappointed and I know some of you reading this blog may disagree with me...but these are the rules that I live by and I don't subscribe to that theory. I have seen it backfire too many times. You have to believe in order to achieve and once you get your mind and belief in the right place, I assure you you will succeed more times than not.
"It's only impossible if you believe it to be." - The Mad Hatter
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
So how do you believe in yourself? It's easy to say, right? Well when doubt creeps in for me, I start small. There are usually several steps to the success you are looking to accomplish. Lets say you want to run a marathon, but it seems insurmountable. Start small...I bet you can believe you can run a mile. Once you've mastered that, two miles will seem a lot more believable. The bigger picture is sometimes overwhelming but smaller snapshots are easier to believe in. The truth is, believing is more than half the battle. Think positive!
Now some people say if you don't get your hopes up, you won't be disappointed and I know some of you reading this blog may disagree with me...but these are the rules that I live by and I don't subscribe to that theory. I have seen it backfire too many times. You have to believe in order to achieve and once you get your mind and belief in the right place, I assure you you will succeed more times than not.
"It's only impossible if you believe it to be." - The Mad Hatter
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Friday, January 4, 2013
Rule #13
There is a lot to be said for quieting your mind. Quieting that constant inner voice that sometimes berates you, or maybe criticizes you. I find that sometimes I have trouble stopping the negative thoughts that start to feed on themselves, snowball until I can hardly stand it. Many years ago, I found a way to stop the thoughts and give myself a start fresh. Rule #13 is MEDITATE. I've found that most people are intimidated by meditation. I think meditation has developed a reputation of being hard to do, unattainable...something metaphysical or only for eastern religions. The truth is, meditation is simply quieting your mind. A way to stop the negative thoughts and self talk. There is no right or wrong way to meditate...only what works for you.
Now I meditate most days...not long, only 15 minutes or so. Usually in the morning. I find it to be a great way to start my day, but right before bed is also very helpful. Meditation reduces stress, brings you peace, enhances your mood and attitude and gives you the opportunity to set the tone for the rest of your day. It's like emptying the "trash" on your desktop....boom, the unwanted is gone. No miracles here, you are still free to fill the trash can again, or not. But at least you have a fresh start. Studies show that meditation reduces stress, improves your health and well being and I think gives you an edge.
I don't usually give concrete instructions here in my blog, but I think it would be helpful with this rule. There are many books, tapes, instructions out there, but I find most to be overkill. My instructions are simple. Find a place where you will have peace and quiet for 10 or 15 minutes, you can sit or lay down, close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Take deep breaths in and let the breath out slowly. Your mind cannot focus on more than one thing at a time, so focus on the breathing. I promise you, your mind will wonder, especially at first. No worries, when you notice you are thinking about something else, just refocus on your breathing. Sometimes it's almost like my mind is protesting the clearing of thoughts and fights me when I try to focus on my breathing, but I promise you it will get easier...and quite frankly, any amount of time you are able to take control of your thoughts will be helpful. If you find it hard to focus on the breathing, try counting backwards from 100. It may be helpful to picture each number when you breath in, and picture the number fade as you exhale. Next number as you inhale, fade as you exhale. You may fall asleep, especially when you are new to meditation, so if you are pressed for time, it may not be a good time to meditate. It's okay if you fall asleep, you are still quieting your mind. As a matter of fact, this is a great tool when you have trouble sleeping. Now, I've been meditating for many years, and I don't always need aids, but sometimes I do. I find that guided meditations can be very helpful although most guided meditations are longer than 15 minutes. My favorites are found on www.Abraham-hicks.com. I like them because they are short, 15 minutes and I find them easy to meditate with. There are thousands of guided meditations out there, though, and you may find something that works better for you.
Before I close, I just want to say again that there is no right or wrong way to meditate. The important thing is for you to stop the self talk, clear your mind and give yourself a fresh start, even if only for a few minutes a day. Be easy on yourself...enjoy!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Now I meditate most days...not long, only 15 minutes or so. Usually in the morning. I find it to be a great way to start my day, but right before bed is also very helpful. Meditation reduces stress, brings you peace, enhances your mood and attitude and gives you the opportunity to set the tone for the rest of your day. It's like emptying the "trash" on your desktop....boom, the unwanted is gone. No miracles here, you are still free to fill the trash can again, or not. But at least you have a fresh start. Studies show that meditation reduces stress, improves your health and well being and I think gives you an edge.
I don't usually give concrete instructions here in my blog, but I think it would be helpful with this rule. There are many books, tapes, instructions out there, but I find most to be overkill. My instructions are simple. Find a place where you will have peace and quiet for 10 or 15 minutes, you can sit or lay down, close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Take deep breaths in and let the breath out slowly. Your mind cannot focus on more than one thing at a time, so focus on the breathing. I promise you, your mind will wonder, especially at first. No worries, when you notice you are thinking about something else, just refocus on your breathing. Sometimes it's almost like my mind is protesting the clearing of thoughts and fights me when I try to focus on my breathing, but I promise you it will get easier...and quite frankly, any amount of time you are able to take control of your thoughts will be helpful. If you find it hard to focus on the breathing, try counting backwards from 100. It may be helpful to picture each number when you breath in, and picture the number fade as you exhale. Next number as you inhale, fade as you exhale. You may fall asleep, especially when you are new to meditation, so if you are pressed for time, it may not be a good time to meditate. It's okay if you fall asleep, you are still quieting your mind. As a matter of fact, this is a great tool when you have trouble sleeping. Now, I've been meditating for many years, and I don't always need aids, but sometimes I do. I find that guided meditations can be very helpful although most guided meditations are longer than 15 minutes. My favorites are found on www.Abraham-hicks.com. I like them because they are short, 15 minutes and I find them easy to meditate with. There are thousands of guided meditations out there, though, and you may find something that works better for you.
Before I close, I just want to say again that there is no right or wrong way to meditate. The important thing is for you to stop the self talk, clear your mind and give yourself a fresh start, even if only for a few minutes a day. Be easy on yourself...enjoy!
Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
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