Rule #12

I've been to many sales rally's, conventions and trade shows over the years and I've noticed one constant among the most successful...music. I believe music makes a good party great, a great restaurant outstanding. Nothing changes the ambiance or mood as quickly and decisively as music. Rule #12 is SING AND DANCE. I think this rule is the most fun...what could be better than singing and dancing, right? But for me, music is serious business. Now, I don't know how to play an instrument, I sing only fair, I can't follow a dance routine...but music is so much a part of my world that I can't imagine a life without it. I call this rule sing and dance because that is how I interact with music, but the truth is, this rule is about using music to enhance my life.

Think about Disney World, every where you go, there is music...happy music for a happy place. Would the great white shark in Jaws or Darth Vader in Star Wars have been half as scary without the now famous music that accompanied their arrival? Advertisers, movie directors, meeting planners, marketing professionals...they all use music to set the tone and enhance the experience. So why not use music to set the tone for our own experience? Have you ever been driving when a song came on the radio that you loved and you turned it up, sang along, tapped your fingers on the steering wheel, maybe even bopped your head in time with the music and arrived at your destination just a little bit happier? I start every day with music...music that I find upbeat and happy. Music that sets the tone for how I want my day to play out. When I have a presentation, I listen to music that makes me feel powerful. If I'm feeling blue, I listen to music that makes me feel happy. On my way to a night out with friends, I listen to fun party music. If I'm going to karaoke, I play music I like to sing to. And yes, I do sing and dance...nearly every day :-)

There are so many great tools now from noise reduction headphones, MP3 players, portable speakers...it is so easy to control the music you listen to. I have playlists for every kind of mood I want to manufacture. I admit, I do stay away from music that makes me feel sad or melancholy because I don't want that music to influence my mood. But the possibilities are endless! So this is an easy rule...find music that makes you dance, music that makes you sing. Make the soundtrack of your own life and enjoy!


Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE

Rule #11

I have a GPS I use to find my way. Before that I used mapquest and before that I had maps. All these tools have one thing in common...I have to know two things....where I am and where I am going. It's the same with life. In order to grow, I need to know where I am and where I want to go. Rule #11 is SET GOALS. I have read so many articles and books and listened to so many tapes on setting goals over the years, but I've come to the conclusion that I only need to know two things. Where I am and where I want to be. In everything I've studied about goal setting, the one thing that seems to be missing is the self assessment on where I am now. So much is said about writing down your goals, thinking of them as already achieved, imagining the end result, the list goes on and on. The truth is, I don't really think it matters how I set my goals...it only matters that I set them...and unless I know where I am starting from, I won't know how to achieve them.

A goal is a target. Now, the beautiful thing about a goal is that it doesn't matter where I'm at now. I can start from wherever I am, set my GPS, and the lady will tell me how to get there...no matter how far away I am. So the self assessment should not be painful, just honest. It doesn't matter where I've been, my GPS still tells me how to get to where I want to go. Remember, don't judge! Now it's time to determine where I want to go....what goals do I want to achieve? This is the fun part! Over the years I have approached goal setting in many ways..affirmations, imaging, and so on. What is working for me right now is keeping a list. Find what is comfortable for you.

Some things to remember...

You have to believe to achieve. If you don't believe you can achieve your goal, you never will. Start with small, easy to achieve goals and build up to the bigger ones.

Like you, your goals are alive and ever changing. Don't be afraid to change your mind, alter your destination, set a new goal.

Lastly, don't be afraid to fail. The truth is, you may not achieve every goal you set....but you will never achieve the goals you don't set!


Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS

Rule #10

Oh, this is one of the hardest rules to follow! Rule #10 is DON'T JUDGE. It must be human nature to judge each other because most people I speak to judge others in some way or another. I was on line at a department store and there was a woman in front of me giving the cashier a very hard time. She was in a rush and the cashier just couldn't seem to get anything right. The items rung up wrong then the credit card machine acted up and the woman berated the cashier terribly. I felt very sorry for the cashier, and angry with the woman. I could think of no reason someone should treat someone else in this way and I have to admit, I didn't think very highly of the woman. Then the woman's phone rang and she answered it and I overheard her conversation. Someone she loved was in the hospital, apparently seriously ill, and needed whatever it was that she was buying. It made me think....we never really know why people do the things they do or what they are going through. Who am I to judge someone else? What is right for me may not be right for you.

Now, I'm not condoning bad behavior or heinous acts. What I am saying is its not my place to judge. I have a friend who's father doesn't speak to him because he is gay. What purpose does it serve for the father to judge his son? What purpose does it serve for me to judge the father? Both are in pain. In the end, judging someone else causes pain and the lack of judgement brings peace. I don't have to agree, I just need to strive to not judge.

It isn't easy. I often find myself judging the actions and motivation of those around me. But at least if I work towards acceptance, I will live a more peaceful life... And I just may bring peace to the life of someone else.

Now think about how peaceful the world would be if we all worked towards being judgement free!


Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE

Rule #9

I want you to think about a time when you had a really fun time. If you were describing it to me, most of you would accompany your story with descriptions of how much and how hard you laughed. You might even laugh just at the memory. The average adult laughs 17 times a day and many researchers believe that the purpose of laughter is to strengthen human connections. How cool is that!? Rule #9 is LAUGH. Laughter is contagious. Have you ever tried to tell a joke that you thought was really funny and couldn't get through it because you couldn't stop laughing? Chances are, the person you were telling the story to was laughing with you long before you got to the funny part. Laughter connects people faster than almost any other activity. And let's face it, it feels good!

People are 30 times more likely to laugh when with other people than when alone. Laughter can diffuse a tense situation, can mask embarrassment and awkwardness and make a sad situation bearable. When we laugh, we alter our surroundings...we connect with the people we laugh with...we actually change the chemical makeup of our body! Laughter is truly the best medicine!

One time I got a call from a friend who was with some people she worked with at a nearby restaurant and invited me to join them. Spur of the moment, I did. The evening turned out to be full of laughter. A few weeks later, I ran into one of the people I had dinner with that night, and there was an unexpected kinship between us. Prior to that night, we were perfect strangers, but after a couple hours of laughter, it was like we shared a secret. Laughter brings people together.

So here's another of my secret weapons...laugh. When I am stressed, or sad, or frustrated, or any of the negative states of mind I try to avoid, I find a way to laugh. I download whole albums of my favorite comedians' stand up routines and listen to them when I need to change my mood. I keep an arsenal of funny memories tucked away to be remembered when necessary. I watch a comedy on TV or look at funny pictures and videos. You Tube is a great source for laughter. For me, laughter is the fastest way I know to change my state of mind...and that's priceless!

So laugh often and with abandon. It will only improve your world.

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH

Rule #8

Did you ever meet someone who was always positive? It's nice to be around them, isn't it? Even when most people would be down, somehow they still seem to find something to smile about. Well, that's Rule #8...BE POSITIVE. It's impossible to talk about being positive without discussing being negative. Personally, I find it hard to pay attention when listening to someone who is being negative all the time. Everyone has their moments of negativity, but I strive to be positive and upbeat most of the time. The funny thing is, your life is easier to live when you are positive. Lets face it, there are two sides to every coin, and it's just a matter of choosing which side of that coin you are going to focus on. It takes a conscious decision for a while until you get into the habit of seeing the bright side of things, but a habit it is. It will take just a little effort to change the way you think, but well worth it! Just think of all the things in your life that will change when you change the way you look at life! You will worry less, things won't bother you as much, people will want to be around you, you will sleep better, you will look better, have less stress and stress related illnesses, people will listen to you and oh how much more enjoyable life will be!

Worry is useless, negative energy that will not serve you. Quite frankly, there is no circumstance that worry will help, but it WILL hurt you. Worry prevents you from sleeping, distracts you from the things you need to be doing, adds stress to your life and body causing illnesses and pain, prevents you from concentrating on the things that can add joy to your day, changes your appearance, ages you....the list goes on and on. So I ask you, why spend even another minute on worry? I know it's easier said than done, but it CAN be done, you just have to focus.

What will be, will be...whether I worry about it or not. The future holds mysteries that will happen no matter what and I will get there no matter what. My son's illness for example...I can live my life distraught, asking "why us", wallowing in fear and worry...or I can live my life accepting and to the fullest. Understand, I would rather he be healthy, but at least he can be happy. And so can I. I choose to be positive and happy. This is a true example of "fake it 'till you make it". I encourage you to look for the bright side of every situation. I promise it will get easier the more you do it.

Don't worry, be happy...

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE

Rule #7

There's not much to say about Rule #7, but its one of my rules, so here we go...Rule #7 is SAY I LOVE YOU. This rule is a simple one, but one of the most important. Now, I'm not talking about the quick peck on the cheek "I love you" but a genuine, from the heart "I love you". Now, we all know we should tell those we love how we feel, but we often let the day to day frustrations prevent us from doing so. Saying I Love You not only makes the recipient's day, but makes you feel good, as well.

So make someone's day....tell them how you feel. Tell them often and from the heart. Your life, and the lives of those you love, will be better for it.

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU

Rule #6

So, remember Rule #2? Always be kind? Well rule #6 is similar......BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. Now this rule has many aspects to it. For me, being good to myself means eating right, exercising, meditating...but most of all, treating myself with the same kindness I show others.

It's important to take some time for yourself. Every week I get my nails done. It takes about a half hour, but it's time I give myself. Most days I meditate. A time I spend to quiet my mind, relax and free myself of the day to day worries and troubles that cloud my day. These acts are little gifts from me to me. They help me to put my life in perspective. Even small acts of kindness to yourself will go a long way!

You know that little voice in your head? Your "self talk"? Well, I want you to listen to it for a moment...what's it saying? If your self talk is criticizing you, berating you, talking negative....try pretending you are talking to a beloved friend. Would you be using the same words? Would you be saying the same things? Well, the next time you find that self talk being hard on you, try forcing kinder words. Try pretending you are talking to a friend. Not only that, but give yourself kudos when you do something right. Let you be proud of you! When someone gives you a complement, say "thank you". This will take some time to master, but the rewards are unlimited. We all make mistakes. Giving yourself a "pass" will free you to move on, treating yourself will make you feel special....taking care of yourself, LOVING yourself, will change your life!

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF

Rule #5

If I told you I could give you the power to make your day brighter, improve your looks, stop arguments, get people to listen to you, feel good, get better service, be happier, have more positive interactions with the people you meet, improve your surroundings and improve your mood, what would you say? Do you think you would want that power? How much would you pay for it? Well the truth is, you already have that power! Rule #5 is SMILE.

Have you ever been in an argument and something strikes you and causes you to smile? Kind of diffuses things, doesn't it? I find it impossible to be negative when I smile. I'm not talking about a false smile, but a true, genuine smile. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is truly a rule I live by. Such a simple concept, but such a powerful tool! A smile has the ability to change your mood, your looks, your interactions with other people...but not only that, a smile has the ability to change the mood and interactions of the people you come in contact with! How cool is that!?

In sales, we often say to smile when talking on the phone...they can hear it in your voice. And it's true...when I am on the phone with someone, I can tell when they are smiling. A smile costs nothing and quite frankly, is a small gesture, and yet the dividends are endless. The best part is, the dividends reach far beyond you...they effect everyone you interact with. Think of a child's smile. Big and bright, no self awareness... Even thinking about it makes you smile, right? Smiles are contagious. They make us feel good, they make the people around us feel good. You look better when you smile. You get better service when you smile. People respond to your smile. I like to be around people who smile, and I know you do too. I've heard of studies that show the very act of smiling releases chemicals in your body that make you feel good... And...it doesn't hurt a bit! So now you know my secret weapon...a smile.


Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE

Rule #4

I call Rule #4 DO THE RIGHT THING, but I guess it's really about integrity. Being true to who I am. Now, I think there's a huge distinction between doing the right thing according to someone else's standards and doing the right thing based on how I feel. In fairness, the two are usually the same, but if the motivation for doing the right thing is because I feel it is the right thing, my words thoughts and actions are genuine. If I do the right thing because religion, peer groups or anyone else says its the right thing, I am acting out of a base of fear. Fear of punishment, fear of someone else's opinion of me, fear of consequences.

My integrity is the foundation on which I stand. When I am true to myself, I feel no guilt. When I am true to myself, I feel pride in who I am. When I am true to myself, I feel good. When I allow my feelings to guide me, I do the right thing and honestly, by anyone's standards.

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING

Rule #3

Some years ago, I came to a realization while driving. Anyone who has driven in the NY metropolitan area knows that driving around here can be a challenge. Well another car cut me off and I felt the familiar rage that many people feel while driving. But somewhere deep inside me I realized that it just wasn't worth it. I decided that I was no longer going to get upset by other people's driving...and you know what? It worked! The infraction against me was one moment in time....my anger prolonged the incident. This brings me to Rule #3...DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE.

I know you're thinking, "we'll that's easy to say over a minor traffic infraction, but what about the big stuff?". But I'm telling you it all works the same! When I am hurt by someone, no matter how big or small, the hurt is prolonged by my attention to it. Forgiveness is a powerful thing! Forgiveness allows you the freedom to move on! Holding a grudge only holds you back in that painful place...it does no harm to the person who hurt you! Holding a grudge only hurts you, not the other person! So why punish yourself?

I think the reason we don't always forgive is because we mistake forgiveness for condoning. We don't have to approve, condone or forget in order to forgive. When you think about it, forgiveness is kind of a selfish act. We don't need to forgive for their sake, we need to forgive for OUR sake! It's a reward to ourselves to free ourselves to move on. One of my favorite words is NEXT! Once I learned to let things go my world became a much happier place.

So that's Rule #3...I guess I could also call it forgive, or learn to let go, or NEXT!, but I call it Don't Hold A Grudge. Try it, you're life will be transformed!

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE

Rule #2

So rule number two in my life rules is ...ALWAYS BE KIND. There is nothing in life, no situation, that can't be made at least a little better by kindness. Kindness is catchy, too, so you may just make someone's day without ever coming in contact with them. Isn't that a cool thought?

When my son was in the hospital that first time and I was slowly coming to the awareness that he had cancer, I remember a nurse taking the time to sit with me. It was late at night, the floor was quiet, and this nurse took my hand and brought me to the nurses station. She didn't give me any powerful words of wisdom, she didn't give me any advise, she didn't even try to console me. She simply held my hand. To this day, the memory of her kindness sustains me. I don't know who she was, but she will forever live in my heart.

Imagine having that kind of impact on someone's life. I want to be remembered like that, for my kindness.

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND

My first blog

So this is my first blog, but in some ways, I've been blogging all my life. My name is Terri and I want to tell you about the things I know about life. I live a successful life. I live a happy life. I live a productive life. So, I thought I would like to share my "life rules" with anyone interested. Today I will share rule #1...I AM RESPONSIBLE.

I take responsibility for everything in my life. Of course, I can't always control the world and events around me, but I am ALWAYS responsible for my reaction to them. Do you ever remember a time when something happened to you or someone said something that bothered you a little bit, but the more you thought about it your distress grew and grew until it was all consuming? I want you to think about that time. Isn't it uncanny? You can probably bring those negative feelings right to the forefront just thinking about it. Now, imagine if you just stopped those thoughts from escalating. How much more pleasant would that experience be? Now imagine that right after the unpleasant event or words, someone distracted you and your thought process was interrupted. Do you think your distress would be nearly as all consuming? Of course not!

So if negative thoughts can escalate...I like to say snowball...doesn't it make sense that positive thoughts can do the same? Well here's my secret...they do! Find some happy memories, daydreams, anything that makes you smile when you think about it. Pull them out when you need a thought overhaul. Don't expect to wind up ecstatic, but you'll be a hell of a lot better off than if you let those negative thoughts take over.

So now, you've learned the first lesson. Control your thoughts, control your experience. I am responsible for my reactions. I am responsible for my thoughts. I am responsible for how I experience every event in my life. Trust me, you will live a happier life if you learn to "interrupt" the negative snowballing of thoughts.

Until next time....stay happy!