Things I know: Contrary to Popular Belief...

Things I know: Contrary to Popular Belief...: It's been my experience that affirmations don't work.  I know that many a self help guru would disagree, and quite frankly, for year...

Contrary to Popular Belief...

It's been my experience that affirmations don't work.  I know that many a self help guru would disagree, and quite frankly, for years and years I would write down over and over my positive affirmations (as if they had already manifested)... Sound familiar?  Now, you may have had a different experience, and if so, please write to me because I am always evolving, but it has not been my experience.  

Now, I'm not saying that affirmations can't work, it's just that, for most people, your focus is directed to the lack of what you want rather than the manifestation of it.  For example, lets say you are struggling financially and would like to have financial freedom.  Perhaps you would write or say something along the lines of "I am now enjoying financial security, I have all the money I need to pay my bills with plenty left over to enjoy all the things in life that I desire".  Sounds good, right?  But lets look at this affirmation piece by piece... "I am now enjoying financial security..."   How does it feel when you say that to yourself?  What thoughts does that phrase evoke?  For me, it doesn't ring true.  In fact, my thoughts are now focused on the lack of financial security in my life, instead of acknowledging my financial successes. "...I have all the money I need to pay my bills with plenty left over to enjoy all the things in life that I desire"  Now I'm focused on my bills and unfulfilled desires.

I believe the Universe, God, Your Higher Self already knows your desires.  I don't think there's a need to write them down, say them over and over.  Instead, I believe our focus should be directed to the manifestation itself.  Day dream, imagine how it feels to pay off your bills...collect pictures of places you'd like to travel to or of the things you would like to buy...a shiny new luxury car...beautiful home with an inviting pool in the yard.  My point is, if we focus our thoughts, imaginings, feelings on the outcome, the manifestation, instead of the desire for the manifestation, we will have more success in achieving it.

Now, having said all this, if writing or repeating affirmations evokes in you the feelings of the manifestation, by all means, continue...but for those of us who have been disappointed, I offer another solution. Stop focusing on the desire, instead focus on how it will feel to achieve it.

Things I know: My Pedometer

Things I know: My Pedometer: I wear a pedometer. It's a wonderful little thing that not only tells me how many steps I've taken, but how many miles I've walk...

My Pedometer

I wear a pedometer. It's a wonderful little thing that not only tells me how many steps I've taken, but how many miles I've walked, how many steps were active, how many calories I've burned, if I input the food I've eaten, it will tell me how many calories I've consumed...it will record how much water I've drank...and it's only the size of a small stone!  It syncs with my phone and tablet and sends me messages of encouragement when I get close to my goals and congratulations when those goals are achieved.  Truly amazing, don't you think?  And every night, at midnight, it clears itself to zero.

Every day is a new start...it doesn't matter how many steps I took yesterday or the day before.  My pedometer only cares about today.  My pedometer doesn't get mad at me if I didn't take enough steps yesterday...it only cares about today.  Every message of encouragement is aimed at moving forward.  It doesn't care what the people around me are doing, it doesn't compare me with my peers...it only cares about me...right here, right now.

Wouldn't it be great if we treated ourselves the same way?  If our only concern was moving forward?  If we didn't look back at our past mistakes?  If we didn't care about what the people around us were doing?  If we didn't compare ourselves to anyone else?  If we gave ourselves little messages of encouragement and congratulations?  

The truth is, we do have an internal voice...our own internal pedometer...if we choose to listen.  It's like those old cartoons, the little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.  We have one voice telling us how great we are, and another telling us we are not...but which do you choose to listen to?  I think most of us choose to listen to the little devil, but that's just a habit.  With practice, you can learn to make the angel the dominant voice in your head.

I know it will take some paying attention at first, but eventually, it will become a habit, too.  The more you listen to either voice, the stronger that voice will become.  Why not make it the voice of encouragement?  Next time you hear your internal voice telling you something great, savor it!  Hold that thought for as long as you can...the more you do this, the stronger that voice will become.  Let your inner voice be like a pedometer...forget about past mistakes, look forward, give encouragement and congratulate accomplishments.  Wouldn't that be great?

Things I know: Wheel of Fortune!

Things I know: Wheel of Fortune!: You know how when you wake up in the morning, not when you get out of bed, but when you first open your eyes, and you haven't thought ab...

Wheel of Fortune!

You know how when you wake up in the morning, not when you get out of bed, but when you first open your eyes, and you haven't thought about anything yet?  Thoughts start to fly through your mind...pieces of your dreams, that bill that needs paying, that project you did so well on, that argument you had, that joke you heard...it's like a carnival wheel...which thought will it land on?  Wheel of Fortune...except, unlike the real thing, this wheel can be willed to move one more click over to reach the happier thought.  I like the morning because there is no momentum built up yet...I can choose what I want to think about pretty easily.  And if that wheel lands on an unhappy thought, I can push it just a little further until I am satisfied.  

Imagine if you started every day choosing your thoughts?  I don't pretend that this will change the rest of your day...you will still run into life, but imagine how pleasant it would be to start each day with a happy thought.  

I know that sometimes happy thoughts are hard to come by.  Sometimes you have to dig deep, and sometimes the thoughts that made you happy yesterday aren't working today, but keep pushing that wheel one more click until something works for you.  At first, your wheel will probably be filled with unhappy thoughts and it will take some doing.  You may not even be able to keep the wheel on a happy thought, but don't worry, it will get easier.  Look for things throughout your day to add to the wheel, notice the things that make you smile.  There's only so many thoughts that will fit on the wheel, so every happy thought knocks off an unhappy one.  Collect those happy thoughts!

The morning, or whenever you wake up, is an opportunity...an opportunity to choose how you will feel for at least the next few minutes...and possibly your day!  Good Morning!

Things I know: Reacting vs Responding

Things I know: Reacting vs Responding: I read something this morning about the difference between reacting and responding.  The way I see it, responding is controlled, reacting is...

Reacting vs Responding

I read something this morning about the difference between reacting and responding.  The way I see it, responding is controlled, reacting is not.  A friend was very upset about a work situation the other day and I realized how distraught she was, how this one situation was effecting her entire being.  She was angry and kept thinking about the situation, mulling it over at every opportunity...getting angrier and angrier.  Her face looked hard and unhappy.  Has this ever happened to you?  Have you ever had something happen that caused you change your whole being?  Of course you have, we all have...I think this is reacting.  It's the reaction we have to a situation without even thinking about it...like when we walk into a spider web or a bug lands on us.   But the truth is, my friend's reaction was not helping her, in fact, her whole life was being effected by one aspect of it.  So after a day or so, my friend started looking at the situation a little differently.  She forced herself to see her boss's side of things, and although she didn't agree, she could she that her boss's motivation was not malicious which helped the anger to subside.  This is responding.  

I am a Realtor, and I have walked into many spider webs in many houses.  I hate walking into spider webs, but I had to train myself to minimize my reaction...it would not serve me to freak out every time I walked into a spider web in someone's basement!  I had to train myself to respond rather than react.

We have opportunities every day to respond or react.  The cool thing is, even if we initially react, we can change that to a response at any time.  We can change direction, we can calm down, we can look at things differently.  All it takes is awareness and control.  Pay attention...are you reacting or responding?

Things I know: The Key to Happiness...

Things I know: The Key to Happiness...: I know the key to happiness.  It's all about how you feel...and how you feel depends on what you are thinking.  So if you can figure out...

The Key to Happiness...

I know the key to happiness.  It's all about how you feel...and how you feel depends on what you are thinking.  So if you can figure out a way to control what you are thinking, you can control how you feel...make sense?  And by extension, we can control our happiness.  Think about this, there are two people, one that you like, admire and look up to.  The other is a person you don't think highly of.  Its best if you think of specific people, right now.  Now, I want you to imagine each of these people asking you to move your car.  Close your eyes and imagine it.  Can you feel the difference in your feelings, just imagining these two people asking you to do a normal activity?  Now pay close attention to the additional, underlying self talk.  For the person you like, there is probably less chatter...the person you dislike, however, has a whole conversation going on...am I right?  Without that underlying self talk, your negative feelings have no fuel, and can't grow.  It's just a matter of catching yourself in the act.  

So what do we do when we catch ourselves in the act of negative thinking?  It's easy to say "stop" but not so easy to do. Your mind can only think about one thing at a time...that's a fact...so the key is to find something else to occupy your mind.  I'll tell you a few things I do that may help you, but quite honestly, you will have to find the trick or tricks that stop your negative thoughts in their tracks.  You've heard this before, but I like to use music.  Just listening to music is often insufficient because my mind still has room to wander...so I put on head phones and consciously think about each word being sung.   By doing this, I am forced to stop thinking the negative thoughts.  Another trick that works for me is finding something funny to read.  I find reading more "mind occupying" than watching a video, but you may be different.  One of my favorite, immediate cures for negative thoughts is to Google "funny texts".  I find these mistake texts very funny and the result is immediate.  Again, when I am reading these texts, my thoughts are forced to shift from negative to positive.  Find your trick, try different things until you hit upon the best ones for you.  It is so worth it!

There's one more thing I want to say...I find most people are resistant to giving up on their negative thoughts on a topic.  My guess is because these thoughts are our reaction to reality and there is a certain amount of momentum behind them.  So don't worry about trying to change your thoughts on a certain topic...momentum will make it impossible.  For example, when thinking about a person you don't care for, don't waste your time trying to change your thoughts about that person...that will only frustrate you.  Instead, find a way to come to a sudden stop and change direction all together. The jolt from one thought process to another will stop the momentum and clear your mind to make room for happier thoughts.  At first, you will hardly ever catch yourself, but when you do, practice changing the direction of your thoughts.   Don't be hard on yourself...that will only add more negative thinking.  Instead, congratulate yourself on recognizing when you are in a negative momentum.  The more you do it, the easier it will become.  The more you practice this, the happier you will be.  Try it, you will live a happier life...and isn't that worth the effort?