Rule #15

Imagine how much less stress you would have in your life if you were always honest. Rule #15 is BE HONEST. Now I believe most people are honest most of the time. It seems to me that dishonesty is at its core, fear. Fear of punishment, fear of what other people will think, fear of hurting someone else's feelings, fear of consequences. In fact, many times our dishonesty is based in good intentions. Few people would say it is better to hurt someone's feelings than to tell them a white lie about how they look or whatever. The problem I struggle with is who determines which lies are white? When do they turn gray? I revert back to Rule #4...do the right thing. I believe we all know, deep down.

I have thought about this long and hard and I've come to the conclusion that honesty is the best policy. I am not comfortable determining a white lie from anything else. When Aunt Martha asks me how I like her new hat, that I find hideous, I may be tempted to tell a little white lie. But what if Aunt Martha was looking for an honest opinion? What if she was depending on me and my fashion sense? I've come to the conclusion that it is best for me to look for something I find likable. I may say something like "I like the way it brings out the blue in your eyes". If Aunt Martha presses further, I will tell the truth in as kind a manner as possible. My husband once told my grandmother that he loved her pork chops when in fact he found them dry....from that moment on, every time we visited my grandmother, she made my husband pork chops. :-)

Now for the bigger things.... It is always better to face your fears and to be honest. Lets look at it from a selfish perspective. You don't have to keep track of what you told to whom, you have no stress of your dishonesty being discovered, your integrity is in tact, your conscience is clear, you will sleep better, people will find you trustworthy, you will be in a better mood and people will respond to you in a more positive way. So the truth is, it is to YOUR benefit to be honest. Honesty truly is the best policy.


Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST

Rule #18

I sometimes get distracted. I get busy and try to do too many things at once. Sometimes I allow my mind to wander. Rule #18 is PAY ATTENTION. There are some days that I find this rule easy...on those days I feel sharp, on my game. Some days it takes more effort. On those days I feel clumsy and absent minded. Paying attention improves performance, memory and prevents mistakes. Good stuff!

But I want to talk to you about another aspect of paying attention. Almost like on another level. A deeper level. There is something I do well...I can read people. I do it automatically now, but I wasn't always like that. It's about focus. I focus my attention on the people I'm with. I listen to what they are saying, but even deeper than that I can feel their energy. Our mind likes to distract us, but when we make a conscious effort to focus, to pay attention to our surroundings, especially the people we are with, a whole new world opens up to us. It becomes a habit, and people respond in such a positive way you will be amazed! I guess deep down, we all like to have others pay attention to us, to listen to us, to hear us. When someone is focused on us, we feel good. We respond to that and give our attention back. I find that when I focus on others, I am rewarded with people focusing on me. I am rewarded with deeper human interactions. For me, paying attention has lead to a more rewarding life.

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE
Rule #18 - PAY ATTENTION

Rule #17

Have you ever met someone and knew instantly that they were being phony? Or on the flip side, have you ever met someone and knew right away that they were being genuine? Rule #17 is BE GENUINE. Being genuine means being yourself. No pretenses, no aires, just being yourself. I think people instinctively know when someone is not being true to who they are and it makes them feel uncomfortable when around them. I, for one, don't want to make people feel uncomfortable!

When you are genuine, people are more likely to trust you. You feel more confident, more self assured. Your relationships are stronger because they are based on truth. People are drawn to you and like to be around you. Every one of us has so much to offer and there is no need to pretend to be someone or something we're not. We all have our insecurities, but trying to mask or hide our perceived faults with a false persona becomes glaringly obvious to those around us. I think people feel it, no matter how good an actor you are.

The truth is, people like people to be themselves, and respond accordingly. Besides, keeping up appearances can be exhausting! Keep it real...just be yourself!


Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY
Rule #17 - BE GENUINE

Rule #16

I have seen families torn apart, friendships end, marriages fail...all because no one would say they were sorry. Rule #16 is SAY I'M SORRY. The ability to admit when you are wrong and apologize is the benchmark of true character. I guess it's pride, but I've seen so much damage caused by people's refusal to say they were sorry.

Do you want to stop an argument? Immediately? Say you're sorry...it works every time. If you've made a mistake, if you've done something wrong, if you can admit it and apologize you will demonstrate a far superior personality trait than pride will ever be. Try it...you'll be amazed.

Saying you're sorry diffuses the situation and allows you to move on. An apology allows the healing process to begin. Without it, the tension, stress, anger is prolonged...it lives on and festers. An apology brings peace...two very powerful words...I'm sorry.


Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Rule #15 - BE HONEST
Rule #16 - SAY I'M SORRY

I interrupt this blog to bring you an important message...

I interrupt this blog to bring you an important message. These rules that I have been blogging are the rules I STRIVE to live by. It is important to note that no one can live every moment in the way they want to...in fact, there would be no satisfaction in that. Imagine a buffet with only your favorite foods. That may sound wonderful at first, but after a while the thrill would be gone. If there was never failure, success would not be so sweet. There is no personal growth without pain...we do not learn from our achievements, we learn from our mistakes. Without the contrast of the things we don't want, we wouldn't even notice the things we do want.

Be easy on yourself!

Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to tell me how you feel about this blog. Please share it if you feel so inclined. Your feedback is very important to me, both positive and negative.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Terri

Rule #14

Teddy Roosevelt said "Believe in yourself and you're half way there". Rule #14 is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I've heard athletes say its 90% mental, 10% skill. Success depends on belief...period! If you doubt yourself, no matter what you are doing, you will not succeed. I've seen this to be true time and time again...not only in my own life, but in the lives of others. We had a challenge in my company recently, and every one of my colleagues who said it couldn't be done didn't make it. It's uncanny, but without your belief, you won't accomplish what you set out to do.

So how do you believe in yourself? It's easy to say, right? Well when doubt creeps in for me, I start small. There are usually several steps to the success you are looking to accomplish. Lets say you want to run a marathon, but it seems insurmountable. Start small...I bet you can believe you can run a mile. Once you've mastered that, two miles will seem a lot more believable. The bigger picture is sometimes overwhelming but smaller snapshots are easier to believe in. The truth is, believing is more than half the battle. Think positive!

Now some people say if you don't get your hopes up, you won't be disappointed and I know some of you reading this blog may disagree with me...but these are the rules that I live by and I don't subscribe to that theory. I have seen it backfire too many times. You have to believe in order to achieve and once you get your mind and belief in the right place, I assure you you will succeed more times than not.

"It's only impossible if you believe it to be." - The Mad Hatter


Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE
Rule #14 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Rule #13

There is a lot to be said for quieting your mind. Quieting that constant inner voice that sometimes berates you, or maybe criticizes you. I find that sometimes I have trouble stopping the negative thoughts that start to feed on themselves, snowball until I can hardly stand it. Many years ago, I found a way to stop the thoughts and give myself a start fresh. Rule #13 is MEDITATE. I've found that most people are intimidated by meditation. I think meditation has developed a reputation of being hard to do, unattainable...something metaphysical or only for eastern religions. The truth is, meditation is simply quieting your mind. A way to stop the negative thoughts and self talk. There is no right or wrong way to meditate...only what works for you.

Now I meditate most days...not long, only 15 minutes or so. Usually in the morning. I find it to be a great way to start my day, but right before bed is also very helpful. Meditation reduces stress, brings you peace, enhances your mood and attitude and gives you the opportunity to set the tone for the rest of your day. It's like emptying the "trash" on your desktop....boom, the unwanted is gone. No miracles here, you are still free to fill the trash can again, or not. But at least you have a fresh start. Studies show that meditation reduces stress, improves your health and well being and I think gives you an edge.

I don't usually give concrete instructions here in my blog, but I think it would be helpful with this rule. There are many books, tapes, instructions out there, but I find most to be overkill. My instructions are simple. Find a place where you will have peace and quiet for 10 or 15 minutes, you can sit or lay down, close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Take deep breaths in and let the breath out slowly. Your mind cannot focus on more than one thing at a time, so focus on the breathing. I promise you, your mind will wonder, especially at first. No worries, when you notice you are thinking about something else, just refocus on your breathing. Sometimes it's almost like my mind is protesting the clearing of thoughts and fights me when I try to focus on my breathing, but I promise you it will get easier...and quite frankly, any amount of time you are able to take control of your thoughts will be helpful. If you find it hard to focus on the breathing, try counting backwards from 100. It may be helpful to picture each number when you breath in, and picture the number fade as you exhale. Next number as you inhale, fade as you exhale. You may fall asleep, especially when you are new to meditation, so if you are pressed for time, it may not be a good time to meditate. It's okay if you fall asleep, you are still quieting your mind. As a matter of fact, this is a great tool when you have trouble sleeping. Now, I've been meditating for many years, and I don't always need aids, but sometimes I do. I find that guided meditations can be very helpful although most guided meditations are longer than 15 minutes. My favorites are found on www.Abraham-hicks.com. I like them because they are short, 15 minutes and I find them easy to meditate with. There are thousands of guided meditations out there, though, and you may find something that works better for you.

Before I close, I just want to say again that there is no right or wrong way to meditate. The important thing is for you to stop the self talk, clear your mind and give yourself a fresh start, even if only for a few minutes a day. Be easy on yourself...enjoy!

Rule #1 - I AM RESPONSIBLE
Rule #2 - ALWAYS BE KIND
Rule #3 - DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE
Rule #4 - DO THE RIGHT THING
Rule #5 - SMILE
Rule #6 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Rule #7 - SAY I LOVE YOU
Rule #8 - BE POSITIVE
Rule #9 - LAUGH
Rule #10 - DON'T JUDGE
Rule #11 - SET GOALS
Rule #12 - SING AND DANCE
Rule #13 - MEDITATE