Scratch That Itch!

I want you to think about yawning. Don't you kind of first feel it coming on in the background and it builds and builds until before you know it you just have to yawn?  As a matter of fact, I bet you feel like yawning right now just because I made you think about it.  Now think about an itch... that's right, an itch that starts out as a little inkling of an annoyance but it grabs your attention. You can be thinking about nearly anything else, but once your attention is on that itch, nothing will satisfy you until you scratch it. Sometimes, the momentum of that itch is so strong, you still have to scratch it again before you are satisfied. Sorry... go ahead, scratch that itch. I'll wait....

Our thoughts have a lot of power, don't they?  If a small, meaningless thought about a yawn or an itch can cause such an immediate physical manifestation, imagine what the big, meaningful thoughts are doing to us. Think about the momentum that our thoughts created when it came to a yawn or an itch... until the actual yawn or scratch broke that momentum. So think about this.... what is worry doing to you?  When you think about it, don't you see how worry follows the same pattern?  Starts out as a small concern, and the more attention you give it, the bigger it gets?  Well, let's get back to that itch for a moment. Let's say you felt those first inklings of an itch, but then something else happened to distract your attention and your focus was diverted.  That itch would subside. Chances are, it would go away altogether. Have you ever had a headache when you left the house but once your day started the headache left you without taking anything?  You didn't even know it was gone!  Your attention was distracted. 

So here's the good news... the momentum that worry brings is equally strong when you think positive thoughts. Right now, I am writing this blog from Las Vegas. I accompanied my husband on a business trip and tomorrow we rent a car and will be taking a road trip to explore Arizona. When I first thought about making this trip I was happy, but the real excitement began to build as I thought about the things I wanted to see and planning and doing the research. So, here's what I propose... as best you can, distract yourself when you find yourself in a negative thinking pattern and focus even more intently when you find yourself in a positive thinking pattern. It's not always easy, and it may take some practice, but every time you can distract yourself from a negative thought, even if only for a moment, you are conditioning and strengthening your mind. It's like your "thinking muscle" and, in time, it will become stronger.  Try it.... you'll see. Oh, and sorry about all that yawning and itching I made you do....

Seven Steps to a Great Day

Seven Steps to a Great Day

1. Coffee (ok, maybe you don't start with coffee, but I do, lol)

2. Meditate (or pray or yoga or whatever you do to clear your mind of distractions. Fifteen minutes should do it)

3. Make a list of ten things you either love or are thankful for (I like to write it down in a notebook so I can look at it when needed)

4. Laugh (do whatever you need to do, just don't go past this step. I use apps like Damn You Autocorrect but YouTube, Engrish.com and countless others work just fine. I repeat, do not skip this step!)

5. Listen to HAPPY music (I like a good slow, soft love song as much as the next guy, but not now. Upbeat, happy music only!)

6. Dance (preferably all over the house but it's not necessary. Behind a closed door is just fine)

7.  Look in the mirror and smile (PLEASE don't skip this step!!)

That's it!  I have another cup of coffee squeezed in there, but that's up to you. You will need to get up a half hour earlier, but soooo worth it!  Small price to pay for a great day!

Things I know: Control Yourself!

Things I know: Control Yourself!: Last week, I was asked to do something that was not really necessary, and my circumstances that week supplied me with a really strong excuse...

Control Yourself!

Last week, I was asked to do something that was not really necessary, and my circumstances that week supplied me with a really strong excuse not to do it, but it was the right thing to do.  I forgot about it, and at a time when I could still do it, was told not to worry about it.  I said okay, thank you so much, and promptly went on my way. Shortly thereafter, a third party called and pressured me to reconsider. I agreed and got the job done. So here's the real point of my story... my reaction to the third party was annoyance and anger. Not overtly, but privately, I was angry.  My thoughts were along the line of "who does she think she is?" and "she is such a pushy person, only thinking of herself".  Needless to say, I was feeling very negative, a state of mind I abhor, so I decided to try to look at the third person in a different way. Have you ever tried pulling something very heavy? The first yank doesn't move anything at all...especially if that yank was halfhearted... but if you tighten your grip, steady yourself, and keep at it, eventually you move it just a little. Then a little more, and a little more, and before you know it, you've made some headway. Well, that's how I was feeling. The first thought about her was hardly a change at all. "Well, she just doesn't know how to mind her own business"... then a little better "I don't really think she realizes how pushy she is" and "maybe she was just trying to prevent me from looking bad to others" ... then "this is a silly reason to be so upset"... Well, you get the idea... until finally, I could honestly say I was no longer angry. I don't mean to give the impression that this was a quick and easy feat, in fact, it took me all night. But it worked. And that's my point. 

In retrospect, I can see that my anger was really about me feeling a bit guilty for not doing the right thing in the first place, but I would never have seen that in the state I was in. I can also see that this person actually had my back, because she didn't want me to look bad.  So... the moral of my story is that we can control how we feel as long as we take control of our thoughts. This is not the first time I've talked about this in my blog, but it was such a strong example in my own life that I just had to share... so control your thoughts, control your life!

Things I know: State of Mind

Things I know: State of Mind: Have you ever been misunderstood?  Has something you've done or said ever been taken the wrong way?  Have you ever been made aware that...

State of Mind

Have you ever been misunderstood?  Has something you've done or said ever been taken the wrong way?  Have you ever been made aware that you've taken something that someone else did or said the wrong way?  Well, I certainly have!  In fact, in this age of technology, it is easier then ever to misunderstand and be misunderstood through texts, posts and emails.  Yesterday, I was thinking about a time I responded to a friend's post on Facebook and another friend of hers responded to mine with venom and hate. Our mutual friend corrected the misinterpretation and all was well, but this made me think about our state of mind. I can't pretend to know this person's state of mind at the time of her response to me, but my experience leads me to believe that her response had much more to do with her state of mind than with the words I used.  In fact, I would venture to say that 100% of her response was due to the way my words sounded to her through the interpretation of her state of mind at the time.  

So, I wonder... how many times have I heard (or read) sarcasm that wasn't there?  How many times did I interpret body language in the wrong way?  Did I hear a tone of voice that was different than what I heard through my own state of mind?  And after my misinterpretation, how much bigger does the imagined slight become because of my own self talk...through that same state of mind?  So, what of this?  Do you think it might be possible to reduce the amount of anger, hurt feelings, dissatisfaction (and I don't even know how many other negativities) in our life if we just take a moment to stop and pay attention to our own state of mind?  We can't control the state of mind of those around us who are misunderstanding us, but what we  CAN do is realize that their reaction to what we say or do is through the eyes of their state of mind, and cut them some slack. Imagine if we all just took a moment to consider the state of mind from where the reaction is generated.  I, for one, will be much happier in my day to day dealings now that I will be taking that moment....  happy day, my friends!

Embrace the Horror!

I came to a realization recently, and it rocked my world!  I have always understood the value of negative things happening in my life.  Oh you know, you can't see the light without the dark, or the good wouldn't be as sweet without the bad... you get the picture... the contrast.  But what if the bad, negative, unwanted things that happen in our lives are actually the PATH to the best parts of our lives?  What if we NEED these negative happenings in order to move forward?  If that were the case, would we think differently about the bad things that happen?  Would we feel differently?  Hard to say.

When I look back on some of the darkest times of my life, I can see clearly that without those times, some of the brightest days would not have happened.   We've all had these experiences... the lay off that led to the wonderful job... the breakup that led to the magical relationship... the failure that led to the discovery.  These are the stories of our lives... the pieces that come together to form who we are and who we will be.  I have often said "we don't grow from the easy stuff", but what does that actually mean in our everyday lives?  I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and I've come to realize that at the heart of every negative event is a positive outcome.  Even in the death of a loved one, which one could argue would be the darkest of events.  My mother passed away some time ago, and although the pain of her loss is still strong, I have since come to know my father as I never did while she was alive.  In fact, my father has become a stronger, more vital inspiration to everyone he meets.  I said to him recently that I feel like I didn't really know him until my mother died and his answer was that he didn't really know himself until after she died.  Imagine that!  In addition, my father took it upon himself to "keep the family together" in my mother's absence.  He has frequent family dinners, hosts holidays (with us doing the cooking) and takes us all on family vacations each year.  This togetherness has lead to a deepening of the relationships between my siblings, the cousins, aunts and uncles.  There is a closeness in our family that I believe would never have happened had my mother lived longer.  When I think about my life, there are countless examples of negative events leading to positive outcomes.

So, what of these negative events?  To be honest, I find it kind of hard to embrace them as good... but I'm trying because when I don't.... when I dwell on it.... when I get stuck in my negative thinking... I delay the positive outcome.  The sooner I can wrap my head around the benefit of these negative events, the sooner I can get on with my life and the sooner I can reap the rewards.  So in the words of Rockhound in Armageddon... Embrace the Horror!

Things I know: BUT Free Zone

Things I know: BUT Free Zone: In my opinion, one of the most powerful words to our self esteem is BUT.  I call it the "B" word.  Think about it... "I did a...

BUT Free Zone

In my opinion, one of the most powerful words to our self esteem is BUT.  I call it the "B" word.  Think about it... "I did a good job on that presentation, BUT I can't believe how I messed up that intro."  "I would love to do that, BUT I already know I can't."  Look at the preceding sentences...in each case, the overall feel is completely changed after the "B" word. 

The word BUT is used to completely negate what was just said, and to point out the flaws in the statement.  When coaching my agents in sales, I find they often talk themselves out of success once the "B" word creeps into their conversations. "I get X% commission BUT for you I'll take x%."   Self depreciation has somehow become admirable in our society, and yet one of the most attractive qualities in a person is confidence. Now, I'm not talking about conceit, but rather, true confidence. (see how I used the BUT there?). Once the BUT is introduced into the statement, the emphasis is on what follows. So, be careful in its use!

Now, of course, BUT can be used to turn a negative statement to a positive one (as I did above), and I encourage you to do so.  I simply ask that you start to pay attention and carefully choose your use of the "B" word...especially in your self talk. If the statement following BUT does not encourage, complement, build up....then simply drop the BUT, and everything that follows. It may take some practice, BUT you'll find a change in your attitude will make it worth the effort!

Things I know: Notice the Moment

Things I know: Notice the Moment: I know, I know, it's been a really long time, but I just haven't felt inspired to write...until now.   I was driving to work this mo...

Notice the Moment

I know, I know, it's been a really long time, but I just haven't felt inspired to write...until now.   I was driving to work this morning and hit a patch of traffic.  There were cars trying to merge onto the highway, and we were all moving slowly. I noticed a woman trying to merge and I could see she was nervous and stressed. I waved her on in front of me and I could see the gratitude wash over her face. Our eyes met...and we had a moment. Last year, my husband and I went to New Orleans for a convention. A friend of mine, (Hi, Karl!), invited us to a reception and we were given beads to throw to the passers-by.  (False pretense correction here, no body part exposure necessary to receive beads).  As I was looking down at the people walking past, a woman looked up and our eyes met...I tossed her a set of beads...and we had a moment.  The man at Dunkin Donuts who gives me a munchkin because we smiled together. Seeing something funny happen on the street in the city and realizing the lady nearby saw it, too...you laugh together...and you have a moment. 

These moments, and the thousands of others in my mental collection, string together like twinkling lights to brighten my life.  I am so grateful to the strangers who have made my world a better place and I can only hope I do the same for them. The thing is, I could just as easily miss these moments...look away, not notice, forget to smile....not laugh.  And what a shame that would be...how sad to go through life missing the opportunities to connect with my fellow humans...to have a moment with them. I guess just how much brighter my life is now, because of these moments, is immeasurable. But I promise you this, if you pay attention, you'll find these moments surrounding you, and if you take the time to notice, your world will be a brighter place. So, take notice...share the moment. 

Things I know: Take It the RIGHT Way!

Things I know: Take It the RIGHT Way!: Have you ever taken something someone said to you the wrong way?  Maybe it was a text or email...maybe you misinterpretated an expression or...

Take It the RIGHT Way!

Have you ever taken something someone said to you the wrong way?  Maybe it was a text or email...maybe you misinterpretated an expression or a look someone gave you. No matter what it was...what was your reaction?  Chances are, it had a negative impact on your mood. I was thinking about this the other day because a friend of mine was talking to me about a conversation we both participated in with a third person and my friend's interpretation of that conversation was completely different than mine. I think back to times when I was hurt or upset by something someone said to me only to find out later that I was totally wrong about what that person was saying...I took what was said the wrong way.  The truth is, it doesn't really matter what the person's intent is...if we take it the wrong way, or even the right way...if we perceive that what is being said is negative, our mood will be impacted in a negative way. Simple as that. 

So, what is the impact?  Well, for me, it can ruin my day...not only that, it often affects the way I feel about that person!  Have you ever spent the day being angry over something your partner said to you in the morning only to find out at the end of the day that you were completely wrong about what was said in the first place?  How easy is it to let that anger go even after finding out the anger was unwarranted?  I bet not very easy...our anger has built momentum and we find ourselves angry (or sad, hurt, or whatever the feeling is) even after the cause of that feeling is removed from the equation. 

So, what if we turned that around?  What if we chose to take it the RIGHT way?  As we know, the impact on our mood and our feelings is based on our interpretation and has nothing to do with the other person's intent...so why not assume the meaning was a positive one?  Now, I know that is not always easy to control at the moment...but you know as well as I do that the real damage is done by our thoughts following the initial interpretation. So before your thoughts snowball, decide that the meaning was positive, complementary or said in jest. At the very least, you will have a much more pleasant day!  Choose to keep your mood and feelings out of that dark place...no harm can come of it!  Practice taking things the RIGHT way...you'll live a happier life for it. 

Things I know: Decisions

Things I know: Decisions: A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and inevitably, we got the

Decisions

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and inevitably, we got the "what's the secret?" question. After some thought, I came up with an answer that felt right to me. The secret is millions of small decisions...you know, decisions to overlook the unwanted and decisions to notice the wanted. When I look back at the times that were hard, I can pinpoint the decisions I was making. It's really quite simple, not necessarily easy...but simple. So, I've come to realize, making decisions is not only the secret to a happy marriage...it's the secret to a happy life!

Think back to problems you've had with other people. In every case, you could have made the decision to focus on the behavior, the words, the actions of someone else...or ignore. Now, I'm not saying you weren't justified, or the slight wasn't so great it would be impossible to ignore...sometimes that's the case...but every time, you had a choice. This realization is exciting to me!  Not only am I empowered to decide what will effect me....but I can make the decision to ignore the things that don't serve me!  Not only that, but think about all the things that do serve me...I can choose to focus on the positive influences in my life. Choose to notice the driver letting me merge rather than the driver who sped up to prevent me from merging...choose to notice the coworker who's always smiling rather than the one who's always complaining. Every day, you are making decisions...these millions of little decisions...that are molding your life...creating who you are. As the old TV show used to say...."choose wisely, grasshopper". 

Things I know: Break the Routine!

Things I know: Break the Routine!: Most days I wake up around the same time, go through the same morning routine, drive the same route to work. I like to go to the same restau...

Break the Routine!

Most days I wake up around the same time, go through the same morning routine, drive the same route to work. I like to go to the same restaurants, order my favorite meals...basically, like most people, I get comfort from following the same routine. In fact, on the days I don't follow my routine, I feel a little off. We are creatures of habit, us humans. There's never any growth in comfort, though. Time travels fast in comfort...the same routine every day leads to months, then years. Today is a good day to shake things up a little!

Now I'm not saying to do something crazy...I'm just saying that a break in the routine is good for the soul. I think when we get into a routine and do the same things the same way, everything falls into a routine...our thoughts, how we see things, how we hear things. Start out small...drive a different way to work, change the order of your morning activities, go somewhere new for lunch... You'll never find a better way of doing something if you don't try something new. For many years, I have driven to my sister-in-law's house the same way. I always thought there should be a better way to get there, but for years I didn't try. Then one day I decided to get off a few exits early and make my way through the back roads...what's the worst that could happen? Well, of course, I found a better, faster, more direct route. Even if I didn't, I would have had something different to look at...maybe found a new store to go to...anything new. My point is, if you stay in the same routine, day in and day out, your life will be the same, day in and day out. Growth, new discoveries, new ideas and new ways of doing things happen outside the routine. 

Life happens outside the routine! 

Things I know: A Little Bit of Appreciation...

Things I know: A Little Bit of Appreciation...: Do you want to know the fastest, sure fire way to get out of a bad mood? Think about all the things in your life that you are thankful for! ...

A Little Bit of Appreciation...

Do you want to know the fastest, sure fire way to get out of a bad mood? Think about all the things in your life that you are thankful for! It works like a charm...providing you can control your thoughts enough to focus on appreciation. That's the hard part, right? We all know that thinking about things we are grateful for will improve our mood....it's just hard to think about them when we are in the grips of a bad mood. So how do we do it? Well, I start out slow. If I try to force gratitude into my negative thought pattern, my mind resists and I find myself even more negative than I started out to be. But I find that if I can find one small thread, I can build on that thought, no matter how small. From there, I find it just a little bit easier to find another thought, then another...well, you get the picture.  

A few weeks ago, I was having a bad day...you know the kind, when you are hit with everything from a stubbed toe to depressing news...and everything in between! Well, I had a presentation to do late in the afternoon and I was not feeling very upbeat and positive. I feared my presentation would fall flat and I would be a huge flop. The problem was, no matter how much I tried to force happy thoughts and appreciation into my consciousness, I just couldn't get past my glum. I was getting a little panicky, which only made me feel worse. Finally, in my frustration, I put my head in my hands...and I noticed that my hair felt really soft...and I liked that. From there, I remembered a complement that someone had given me about my hair the day before. From there, I was able to pull up more gratitude until I was doing okay. I did fine in my presentation, not my finest, but fine. I'm not looking for miracles, but improvement...through Appreciation. I know how minor the softness of my hair is...how inconsequential in the big picture...but it was the one small thing that was the catalyst for me to change my thought momentum. So the next time you're feeling down...look for that one small thing. You never know what it will be. 

Things I know: Now!

Things I know: Now!: Most mornings, I am fortunate enough to see the sunrise. Some days are more beautiful and colorful than others, but all have an inspiring qu...