Reacting vs Responding

I read something this morning about the difference between reacting and responding.  The way I see it, responding is controlled, reacting is not.  A friend was very upset about a work situation the other day and I realized how distraught she was, how this one situation was effecting her entire being.  She was angry and kept thinking about the situation, mulling it over at every opportunity...getting angrier and angrier.  Her face looked hard and unhappy.  Has this ever happened to you?  Have you ever had something happen that caused you change your whole being?  Of course you have, we all have...I think this is reacting.  It's the reaction we have to a situation without even thinking about it...like when we walk into a spider web or a bug lands on us.   But the truth is, my friend's reaction was not helping her, in fact, her whole life was being effected by one aspect of it.  So after a day or so, my friend started looking at the situation a little differently.  She forced herself to see her boss's side of things, and although she didn't agree, she could she that her boss's motivation was not malicious which helped the anger to subside.  This is responding.  

I am a Realtor, and I have walked into many spider webs in many houses.  I hate walking into spider webs, but I had to train myself to minimize my reaction...it would not serve me to freak out every time I walked into a spider web in someone's basement!  I had to train myself to respond rather than react.

We have opportunities every day to respond or react.  The cool thing is, even if we initially react, we can change that to a response at any time.  We can change direction, we can calm down, we can look at things differently.  All it takes is awareness and control.  Pay attention...are you reacting or responding?

Things I know: The Key to Happiness...

Things I know: The Key to Happiness...: I know the key to happiness.  It's all about how you feel...and how you feel depends on what you are thinking.  So if you can figure out...

The Key to Happiness...

I know the key to happiness.  It's all about how you feel...and how you feel depends on what you are thinking.  So if you can figure out a way to control what you are thinking, you can control how you feel...make sense?  And by extension, we can control our happiness.  Think about this, there are two people, one that you like, admire and look up to.  The other is a person you don't think highly of.  Its best if you think of specific people, right now.  Now, I want you to imagine each of these people asking you to move your car.  Close your eyes and imagine it.  Can you feel the difference in your feelings, just imagining these two people asking you to do a normal activity?  Now pay close attention to the additional, underlying self talk.  For the person you like, there is probably less chatter...the person you dislike, however, has a whole conversation going on...am I right?  Without that underlying self talk, your negative feelings have no fuel, and can't grow.  It's just a matter of catching yourself in the act.  

So what do we do when we catch ourselves in the act of negative thinking?  It's easy to say "stop" but not so easy to do. Your mind can only think about one thing at a time...that's a fact...so the key is to find something else to occupy your mind.  I'll tell you a few things I do that may help you, but quite honestly, you will have to find the trick or tricks that stop your negative thoughts in their tracks.  You've heard this before, but I like to use music.  Just listening to music is often insufficient because my mind still has room to wander...so I put on head phones and consciously think about each word being sung.   By doing this, I am forced to stop thinking the negative thoughts.  Another trick that works for me is finding something funny to read.  I find reading more "mind occupying" than watching a video, but you may be different.  One of my favorite, immediate cures for negative thoughts is to Google "funny texts".  I find these mistake texts very funny and the result is immediate.  Again, when I am reading these texts, my thoughts are forced to shift from negative to positive.  Find your trick, try different things until you hit upon the best ones for you.  It is so worth it!

There's one more thing I want to say...I find most people are resistant to giving up on their negative thoughts on a topic.  My guess is because these thoughts are our reaction to reality and there is a certain amount of momentum behind them.  So don't worry about trying to change your thoughts on a certain topic...momentum will make it impossible.  For example, when thinking about a person you don't care for, don't waste your time trying to change your thoughts about that person...that will only frustrate you.  Instead, find a way to come to a sudden stop and change direction all together. The jolt from one thought process to another will stop the momentum and clear your mind to make room for happier thoughts.  At first, you will hardly ever catch yourself, but when you do, practice changing the direction of your thoughts.   Don't be hard on yourself...that will only add more negative thinking.  Instead, congratulate yourself on recognizing when you are in a negative momentum.  The more you do it, the easier it will become.  The more you practice this, the happier you will be.  Try it, you will live a happier life...and isn't that worth the effort?

Things I know: I look good today!

Things I know: I look good today!: You know how you can look at yourself in the mirror, and from one angle you look great, but from another, you don't look as good?  Well,...

I look good today!

You know how you can look at yourself in the mirror, and from one angle you look great, but from another, you don't look as good?  Well, it's kind of like life...it all depends on how you look at things.  When looking in the mirror, do you keep going back to the bad angle?  Or do you focus on the good one?  When you focus on the good angle before walking out the door in the morning, you're going to feel better throughout your day...more confident, a little lighter in your step, a smile upon your face.  You feel good!  Now think about it...when you're smiling, standing tall, walking with a little more bounce, confident...aren't you more attractive?  Aren't you more likely to have positive encounters?  Don't people respond to you in a more pleasant way?  Aren't you in a better mood?  So I ask you...why even give that bad angle more than a passing glance!?  Of course, if there was something you could do to improve that bad angle, by all means, do it...but if its just a bad angle, that stop looking at it!

You all know me by now...you know I'm talking about more than your reflection in a mirror.  Every situation in life has a good and a bad angle...as a matter of fact, there are infinite angles in varying degrees of appeal.  How you look at every situation can change your life!  In my observation, many people want to focus on the negative side of a situation.  They dwell on it, want to tell everyone about it, lose sleep thinking about it, worry, cry...the list is never ending.  But what do you think would happen if we stopped dwelling, thinking, worrying...do you think the situation would get worse?  Of course not!  Our attention will not improve a bad situation...in fact, it will make us feel worse!  So why not find that better angle?  At the very least, you'll be better equipped to deal with the situation because you'll be starting from a better place.   I choose, every day, what angle I am going to focus on.  The choice is mine!  I am responsible for my mood, my appeal, my confidence, how I feel, my stress level, my life!  There's nothing more empowering!  I choose the best angle I can find...which do you choose?

Things I know: The Secret to Success

Things I know: The Secret to Success: I know it's been a long time, but unless I feel inspired, I just can't write. I've been thinking this morning about success. My ...

The Secret to Success

I know it's been a long time, but unless I feel inspired, I just can't write. I've been thinking this morning about success. My measure of success is simple... Every day I strive to inspire, motivate, help or make smile at least one person. Now I know you may be thinking that this is a cop out. You're looking for the key to wealth, positive love relationships, career success...but in a way, that's what I'm talking about. I have found that making the world around you a better place, even just a little, brings you peace, brings you joy, makes you happy. When you are at peace, when you are happy, wealth, love and career success follows. I can't explain why, I just know it to be true. I've seen it over and over, not just in my own life, but in the lives of others. 

So my measure of success: To inspire, motivate, help or make smile at least one person, every day. In return, I am rewarded with peace and happiness. Personally, I think that's a pretty good deal. :-)