Grief

So what about the big stuff? How do you get through the really big events like death, divorce, major illness? It's so much harder to control your thoughts through grief than through anger or sadness. Like all of you, I've had my fair share of life altering hardships and I've discovered a few things that help. However, no matter how bad it is, time is the only thing that truly heals. Even an ongoing hardship like my son's illness is a much lighter burden now than when we first discovered he was sick. Having said that, there are a few temporary fixes I have found to help you get through the day. Now, I know that this blog is the last thing you'll be thinking about when you are faced with a major hardship, but maybe at some point in your day, you'll think about something I've posted and just maybe your burden will be lifted, just a little.

So have you ever noticed that when a loved one dies the days of preparation and services are so much easier than when everything is over? Well, that's the first tool of dealing with grief...keep busy. Go back to work as soon as you can, volunteer, take a class...do what ever you can to stay busy. Find a distraction to pass the time, because as time goes by, it WILL get easier. The second tool is laughter. Watch a comedy, read funny stories, reminisce about fun times. Even if only for a few minutes. Every minute you spend away from the grief...like a little emotional vacation...is a minute you are closer to healing. The third tool is to surround yourself with people who love you. Every human being has a deep seeded need to be loved, and seeking the company of those that love us will help us to bridge the gap between pain and healing.

There are a lot if emotions between grief and happiness. If you can get yourself from grief to sad, maybe through laughter or keeping busy, you've accomplished something major. Try to notice when you've accomplished this so you know you can do it. Knowing your own strength will help you on the days that are harder. From sad you can get to something else, maybe disappointed. Work your way up the emotional scale, but don't expect to stay there at first. Be easy on yourself and don't expect miracles. Try to control your thoughts. When you feel yourself falling into depression, find something else to think about. Something completely random...stay away from thoughts about the cause of your grief until you are in a stronger emotional place. Give yourself the time you need to heal.

Now, I know that I'm not saying anything new here. You've heard it all before, but I've found that sometimes it just takes a little reminder. Time really does heal all wounds.