Scratch That Itch!

I want you to think about yawning. Don't you kind of first feel it coming on in the background and it builds and builds until before you know it you just have to yawn?  As a matter of fact, I bet you feel like yawning right now just because I made you think about it.  Now think about an itch... that's right, an itch that starts out as a little inkling of an annoyance but it grabs your attention. You can be thinking about nearly anything else, but once your attention is on that itch, nothing will satisfy you until you scratch it. Sometimes, the momentum of that itch is so strong, you still have to scratch it again before you are satisfied. Sorry... go ahead, scratch that itch. I'll wait....

Our thoughts have a lot of power, don't they?  If a small, meaningless thought about a yawn or an itch can cause such an immediate physical manifestation, imagine what the big, meaningful thoughts are doing to us. Think about the momentum that our thoughts created when it came to a yawn or an itch... until the actual yawn or scratch broke that momentum. So think about this.... what is worry doing to you?  When you think about it, don't you see how worry follows the same pattern?  Starts out as a small concern, and the more attention you give it, the bigger it gets?  Well, let's get back to that itch for a moment. Let's say you felt those first inklings of an itch, but then something else happened to distract your attention and your focus was diverted.  That itch would subside. Chances are, it would go away altogether. Have you ever had a headache when you left the house but once your day started the headache left you without taking anything?  You didn't even know it was gone!  Your attention was distracted. 

So here's the good news... the momentum that worry brings is equally strong when you think positive thoughts. Right now, I am writing this blog from Las Vegas. I accompanied my husband on a business trip and tomorrow we rent a car and will be taking a road trip to explore Arizona. When I first thought about making this trip I was happy, but the real excitement began to build as I thought about the things I wanted to see and planning and doing the research. So, here's what I propose... as best you can, distract yourself when you find yourself in a negative thinking pattern and focus even more intently when you find yourself in a positive thinking pattern. It's not always easy, and it may take some practice, but every time you can distract yourself from a negative thought, even if only for a moment, you are conditioning and strengthening your mind. It's like your "thinking muscle" and, in time, it will become stronger.  Try it.... you'll see. Oh, and sorry about all that yawning and itching I made you do....

Seven Steps to a Great Day

Seven Steps to a Great Day

1. Coffee (ok, maybe you don't start with coffee, but I do, lol)

2. Meditate (or pray or yoga or whatever you do to clear your mind of distractions. Fifteen minutes should do it)

3. Make a list of ten things you either love or are thankful for (I like to write it down in a notebook so I can look at it when needed)

4. Laugh (do whatever you need to do, just don't go past this step. I use apps like Damn You Autocorrect but YouTube, Engrish.com and countless others work just fine. I repeat, do not skip this step!)

5. Listen to HAPPY music (I like a good slow, soft love song as much as the next guy, but not now. Upbeat, happy music only!)

6. Dance (preferably all over the house but it's not necessary. Behind a closed door is just fine)

7.  Look in the mirror and smile (PLEASE don't skip this step!!)

That's it!  I have another cup of coffee squeezed in there, but that's up to you. You will need to get up a half hour earlier, but soooo worth it!  Small price to pay for a great day!

Things I know: Control Yourself!

Things I know: Control Yourself!: Last week, I was asked to do something that was not really necessary, and my circumstances that week supplied me with a really strong excuse...

Control Yourself!

Last week, I was asked to do something that was not really necessary, and my circumstances that week supplied me with a really strong excuse not to do it, but it was the right thing to do.  I forgot about it, and at a time when I could still do it, was told not to worry about it.  I said okay, thank you so much, and promptly went on my way. Shortly thereafter, a third party called and pressured me to reconsider. I agreed and got the job done. So here's the real point of my story... my reaction to the third party was annoyance and anger. Not overtly, but privately, I was angry.  My thoughts were along the line of "who does she think she is?" and "she is such a pushy person, only thinking of herself".  Needless to say, I was feeling very negative, a state of mind I abhor, so I decided to try to look at the third person in a different way. Have you ever tried pulling something very heavy? The first yank doesn't move anything at all...especially if that yank was halfhearted... but if you tighten your grip, steady yourself, and keep at it, eventually you move it just a little. Then a little more, and a little more, and before you know it, you've made some headway. Well, that's how I was feeling. The first thought about her was hardly a change at all. "Well, she just doesn't know how to mind her own business"... then a little better "I don't really think she realizes how pushy she is" and "maybe she was just trying to prevent me from looking bad to others" ... then "this is a silly reason to be so upset"... Well, you get the idea... until finally, I could honestly say I was no longer angry. I don't mean to give the impression that this was a quick and easy feat, in fact, it took me all night. But it worked. And that's my point. 

In retrospect, I can see that my anger was really about me feeling a bit guilty for not doing the right thing in the first place, but I would never have seen that in the state I was in. I can also see that this person actually had my back, because she didn't want me to look bad.  So... the moral of my story is that we can control how we feel as long as we take control of our thoughts. This is not the first time I've talked about this in my blog, but it was such a strong example in my own life that I just had to share... so control your thoughts, control your life!

Things I know: State of Mind

Things I know: State of Mind: Have you ever been misunderstood?  Has something you've done or said ever been taken the wrong way?  Have you ever been made aware that...

State of Mind

Have you ever been misunderstood?  Has something you've done or said ever been taken the wrong way?  Have you ever been made aware that you've taken something that someone else did or said the wrong way?  Well, I certainly have!  In fact, in this age of technology, it is easier then ever to misunderstand and be misunderstood through texts, posts and emails.  Yesterday, I was thinking about a time I responded to a friend's post on Facebook and another friend of hers responded to mine with venom and hate. Our mutual friend corrected the misinterpretation and all was well, but this made me think about our state of mind. I can't pretend to know this person's state of mind at the time of her response to me, but my experience leads me to believe that her response had much more to do with her state of mind than with the words I used.  In fact, I would venture to say that 100% of her response was due to the way my words sounded to her through the interpretation of her state of mind at the time.  

So, I wonder... how many times have I heard (or read) sarcasm that wasn't there?  How many times did I interpret body language in the wrong way?  Did I hear a tone of voice that was different than what I heard through my own state of mind?  And after my misinterpretation, how much bigger does the imagined slight become because of my own self talk...through that same state of mind?  So, what of this?  Do you think it might be possible to reduce the amount of anger, hurt feelings, dissatisfaction (and I don't even know how many other negativities) in our life if we just take a moment to stop and pay attention to our own state of mind?  We can't control the state of mind of those around us who are misunderstanding us, but what we  CAN do is realize that their reaction to what we say or do is through the eyes of their state of mind, and cut them some slack. Imagine if we all just took a moment to consider the state of mind from where the reaction is generated.  I, for one, will be much happier in my day to day dealings now that I will be taking that moment....  happy day, my friends!

Embrace the Horror!

I came to a realization recently, and it rocked my world!  I have always understood the value of negative things happening in my life.  Oh you know, you can't see the light without the dark, or the good wouldn't be as sweet without the bad... you get the picture... the contrast.  But what if the bad, negative, unwanted things that happen in our lives are actually the PATH to the best parts of our lives?  What if we NEED these negative happenings in order to move forward?  If that were the case, would we think differently about the bad things that happen?  Would we feel differently?  Hard to say.

When I look back on some of the darkest times of my life, I can see clearly that without those times, some of the brightest days would not have happened.   We've all had these experiences... the lay off that led to the wonderful job... the breakup that led to the magical relationship... the failure that led to the discovery.  These are the stories of our lives... the pieces that come together to form who we are and who we will be.  I have often said "we don't grow from the easy stuff", but what does that actually mean in our everyday lives?  I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and I've come to realize that at the heart of every negative event is a positive outcome.  Even in the death of a loved one, which one could argue would be the darkest of events.  My mother passed away some time ago, and although the pain of her loss is still strong, I have since come to know my father as I never did while she was alive.  In fact, my father has become a stronger, more vital inspiration to everyone he meets.  I said to him recently that I feel like I didn't really know him until my mother died and his answer was that he didn't really know himself until after she died.  Imagine that!  In addition, my father took it upon himself to "keep the family together" in my mother's absence.  He has frequent family dinners, hosts holidays (with us doing the cooking) and takes us all on family vacations each year.  This togetherness has lead to a deepening of the relationships between my siblings, the cousins, aunts and uncles.  There is a closeness in our family that I believe would never have happened had my mother lived longer.  When I think about my life, there are countless examples of negative events leading to positive outcomes.

So, what of these negative events?  To be honest, I find it kind of hard to embrace them as good... but I'm trying because when I don't.... when I dwell on it.... when I get stuck in my negative thinking... I delay the positive outcome.  The sooner I can wrap my head around the benefit of these negative events, the sooner I can get on with my life and the sooner I can reap the rewards.  So in the words of Rockhound in Armageddon... Embrace the Horror!